Words from the Heart

I can remember the day vividly, almost down to the exact details. My heart raced as I heard the words, “she’s gone.” I set the phone down and stared into the darkness of the room, unable to fully grasp what was just said to me. That was almost five years ago, but If I close my eyes tight enough, I appear right where I was when I took that life changing call. We rarely ever forget those kind of moments. The devastation that death brings is difficult for many of us to digest. The realization that someone you love and admire is now gone, leaves us feeling stricken with grief and wondering how we’ll ever move on.

Just about a week ago, it seemed as if the world stood still when my wife called me into the living room to tell me one of my favorite basketball players had died. At the time, I’d just come home from spending the weekend writing in Philly— I was there working on a new novel. It took me a moment to fully comprehend what she was saying about Kobe Bryant, his daughter and seven others. I stood there trying to make sense of something that made absolutely no sense. I flipped on the television and there it was all over the news. Shortly after, my phone began buzz with all kinds of news outlets reporting the same thing. I logged into social media and there were a frenzy of posts from kind people who prayed and offered well wishes to the families involved.

The news triggered me and I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other’s out there who felt the same way. If you’ve experienced a personal loss recently, I send my deepest condolences to you and your family. We can get through difficult times like these together and that’s one of the most beautiful things about being human. I wrote this piece today to share my heart. It’s my hope that you’d be encouraged and uplifted by these words. My heart goes out to all of the families involved in last week’s incident. I can only imagine the pain they’re enduring at this present moment. Many of us were familiar with Kobe and his daughter, but more importantly we’re human and the loss of life affects us all deeply on some level.

Once the dust settled, I began to examine my own life and the people I’ve been blessed to share it with. Tomorrow isn’t promised and that realization is most evident during these times. Life is precious and beautifully sacred. Each moment we have is a gift. May we always remember to honor our days by spreading love and also taking care of ourselves. We must remember we’re important too.

In my time alone this week, I introspectively explored how I’ve handled loss in my life. For most of my life, I’ve kept things bottled inside. For several months after my mother’s funeral, I didn’t address how I felt. I wanted to appear tough. I forced myself to move on to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings and that wasn’t healthy for me. It wasn’t until I spoke to a counselor that I learned I didn’t allow myself to grieve. Grief affects us all in many different ways and it’s okay to go through your process. Allow yourself to go through the range of emotions. Some days you might feel angry and there are day’s you may feel numb. Don’t allow people to tell you how you should and shouldn’t feel. Navigating the feeling loss is a deeply personal experience.

In closing, here are a few questions to ponder. Have I been honest with how I’ve been feeling lately? Am I allowing myself the freedom to grieve? Life is so unpredictable and accepting that will help with processing tragic situations. Take heart in knowing that no matter what you may face, there’s hope and you can get through it. Be kind to yourself and remember you’re human. Take a breather and disconnect from social media if you have to, if you feel triggered. Lastly, we get through tough times together as a family not through sensationalism, but through love, patience and understanding.