Moving at the Speed of Love
I opened the laptop to a blank page— the same blank page I’d unsuccessfully eluded for months. The backspace key had become my best friend as nothing I’d written felt good enough. To put it bluntly, I’ve been struggling with writing lately. My little girl has dominated my thoughts for months; I’m obsessed with her already. She’ll be making her debut soon. This period of my life has certainly been a gift that keeps on giving. From baby appointments to putting together my daughter’s rosey pink nursery: I’ve been floating on cloud nine. Life has been moving at the speed of love.
In my quiet time, I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching. I’ve asked myself questions like: what will this new version of myself look like? Will I be a good father? Am I still a good writer? Have I been too hard on myself? It’s hard to focus when you can hardly catch your breath. It took the strength of Moses to string these words together. I’ve felt immense guilt when I think of all the days I hadn’t written a single meaningful word. My eyes are often drawn to the folder where my latest manuscript has been collecting a thick layer of dust. There’s a part of me that unrealistically believed nothing could slip, even in a transitory period of my life. I’ve fallen into this trap in the past.
I’ve written this piece for those who travel this road. Perhaps you’ve felt the same guilt recently. Maybe you haven’t been able to connect with your craft due to recent changes in your life. Transition, although beautiful, can still be tough to grapple with. I’ve been meditating on the word grace as of late. Grace is what we should extend to ourselves when we feel disconnected and unsure of how to move forward. If you’ve been hard on yourself lately, I kindly ask that you step back and give yourself permission to feel without judgment. When life moves at the speed of love, hold on and enjoy the ride. You’ll figure out how to move forward when the time is right. Enjoy the moment as it is. Everything will eventually fall into place.