Stay Out of the Sun, Boy.

My dark skin had always been a gift, although I didn’t quite understand it was at the time. For most of my life, I’d considered it my burden, my cross to bear. My mother said my Black skin was beautiful, but I couldn’t tell. Perhaps its beauty could be found hidden beneath snide jokes, criminal tropes, and slave references echoed throughout our society.

The inferiority complex sat comfortably atop my shoulder. Hyperaware of my hue, I secretly wished to be lighter. I felt judged by white and Black people alike. Colorism in all of its ugliness invaded my subconscious. “Oh, you’re getting so dark.” The shoe always dangled. “You need to stay out of the sun, boy.” My own grandma echoed these sentiments. It was believed your life would be difficult if you were too dark, alas my inferiority complex was born. I carried those ignorant beliefs with me until I realized they were rooted in fear and self-hatred.

I once considered myself collateral damage in the struggle for identity. I was ill-prepared to navigate the complexities of the Black experience. We rarely had real discussions about such matters in my home, school, or church. Shame, as I later understood it to be, was a difficult concept to conceptualize as a child who yearned to understand his place in the world.

My reflection in the mirror often made me feel uncomfortable. I’d look down when I’d lock eyes with myself. Over time, I became accustomed to being called too Black. Naturally, I didn’t hate my skin, but I often wondered why everyone else did. Demeaning words carelessly spoken validated my fears and insecurity.

Through life experiences, self-realization, and a deeper understanding of my history as a Black man, I learned to see this dark skin as a crown of glory. I am no longer the little boy who felt he paled in comparison to others. I am a strong Black man who is standing comfortably in who he is and embraces all aspects of his being. To those who’ve spent their lives feeling insecure about their dark skin, I understand. You were not cursed with darkness. You’re amazing just the way you are. All hues of Blackness are equally the embodiment of perfection.