Toxicity and The Church
“If you sow a seed of five hundred dollars, I’ll speak a word of peace into your life,” a pastor said, some fifteen years ago in front of a packed church in the heart of Washington, D.C. He paused to allow the church to take in his words as he flipped through the pages of his large brown leather-bound Bible. The organist played a few powerful chords on the old Hammond as the congregation eagerly waited for him to continue. “I don’t think you heard me,” he said as he dabbed his forehead with a black satin cloth. I watched his eyes carefully dissect the room as if he were a surgeon. “I’ve come with a word from Heaven this evening.”
I’ve always been leery of folks who speak on behalf of God. I learned to suppress my thoughts. That church wasn’t a place for opinions, after all, if you disagreed with the Pastor, you were disagreeing with God himself. You see that’s how manipulation works. These days God sure does do a lot of talking and what he’s saying is jarring at best. I meant that facetiously, of course. But this is a serious matter.
I watched with awe as folks reached into their pockets, desperate to fill the offering baskets with their hard-earned cash. Some, I’m sure, gave their last. It was clear those sitting amongst me were hurting, and looking for a miracle. This pastor presented hope in exchange for their money. “Your offering is an act of faith,” he preached as the offering baskets began to overflow as the ushers made their way around the sanctuary. As a church musician, I’d been to what felt like thousands of these kinds of services. For years I passively ignored the inner alarm that screamed things weren’t right. I looked the other way out of fear of rocking the boat: how dare I question the man of God.
His words echoed in my mind during the drive home that night. As someone who grew up in the church, I became acutely aware of the deeply manipulative tactics religious leaders used to grift, control, and dominate the minds of the people. I write this essay today hoping to do three things: express my disdain for these toxic practices, encourage people to think for themselves, and most importantly help someone who may be dealing with the effects of abusive, manipulative, and dangerous teaching.
Spiritual leaders have been the backbone of my community for hundreds of years. Our faith in God has brought us a mighty long way; make no mistake about it. We have to learn to see through the Jesus talk, as it is often used by religious pimps to get what they want from you, whether it be sex, money, or blind allegiance. This is a dangerous use of psychology. Trepidation and guilt are their weapons of choice, in addition to the cunning use of scriptures and other biblical text aimed at breaking down your logic. You’re most vulnerable when you’re not thinking for yourself.
A few weeks ago I stumbled across a video of Pastor Mike Todd using biblical text to justify egregious behavior. This inappropriate use of spirituality is running rampant as social media continues to elevate people like him. If you feel something is off when you visit a church or hear someone teaching, do not ignore that feeling. If you hear something preached that causes your inner alarm to blare, explore that feeling.
We must call out the toxicity we see in our churches. Spiritual leaders must be held accountable for their actions. We cannot afford to look the other way when there are whispers of abuse. We cannot blindly trust those who proclaim to come in the name of the Lord. It’s imperative that we open our minds and trust the God-given intuition that was bestowed upon us at birth. I write this today not to proclaim church is not needed, but to challenge you to think freely. Lastly, may we remain watchful, discerning, and above all, true to ourselves.