Journey of Healing

“Keep pedaling.” My mother said as she patiently watched me slowly wobble down the sidewalk. “That’s it. Look at you go. That’s my son!” The look of joy on my mothers face as I began to pedal faster with more confidence was something I'll never forget, as long as I live. Some memories have special place in our hearts, and for me, this is one of them.

Around this time of the year I often find myself in a state of reflection. I lost my mother to cancer on September 18th, 2015. That date is forever etched in my mind and in my heart. Losing someone you love, especially a parent, is one of the hardest things to accept and deal with. It’s as if the mind cannot fathom such a loss. The hurt I felt that day, is still indescribable— it’s truly hard to put it into words. I can recall with vivid detail the moment I received the news. It’s interesting how your life can change in a matter of seconds, and from that moment on you’re left trying to figure how to move forward.

“She’s gone.” I hung up the phone and stared into the darkness of my bedroom. I heard my uncle’s words, but I had difficulty processing them. It took me days to fully grasp she would not be coming home. My emotions seemed be frozen in time; I was numb. Days later it hit me again. I foolishly believed it was all a sick joke. Nah, she’s not really gone, is she? Leading up to her funeral I was on an emotion roller coaster. Some days I felt great and then there were times I felt lost.

Have you lost someone you loved this year? If you have, my heart goes out to you. I offer my deepest condolences. May your loved one rest in peace. Death is always one of those topics that evokes powerful emotions. I used to avoid talking about it because it made me feel uncomfortable. As I’ve navigated life since my mother’s passing, I’ve developed a deeper appreciation for the moments I share with those closest to me. I’ve learned to cherish every second of this earthly existence, vowing to inspire others along the way. Her death changed the way I look at life.

In the spirit of healing, I’d like to share a few of my thoughts. I hope these words help. I know there aren’t any words that can be uttered that will remove the sting of loss, but I write this piece today, hoping they at best, provide you comfort. On my journey I’ve learned to allow myself to feel. Allowing yourself to feel is a very important part of the healing process. Feel empowered to express your emotions in a healthy way. You’ll definitely go through a range of them. When I looked at my mother lying in her casket, I got angry. I felt betrayed because she left. I felt guilty for being upset. Allowing myself to feel was one of my toughest lessons. I spoke to a counselor who helped me see my different emotions were completely normal and were also an important part of the grieving process.

I went through a period of time where I pushed the people who loved me away because I felt like I had to handle things on my own. Allow the people in your life to be there for you. Please let them. Ignoring phone calls and pretending to be okay became the norm for me until I realized friendship was born for our toughest times. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone, but try to make an effort to communicate with your loved ones. They truly want to help.

Find ways to slow down and breathe in the air. If there are days you want to cry, cry. Let it out and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. There were days the pain dropped on me and I had to process it all over again. It strikes without notice; you can’t run from it.

Laugh often. I know that sounds strange especially while mourning the loss of someone you loved, but laughter really lightens the load. Laughing is good for the soul. Think of the fun times you shared with them. Remember the good times and make it a habit to focus on them as often as you can.

We’re all on this journey together. Through life’s high’s and low’s we must always remember to be kind to ourselves. You’re human and loss is something that feels foreign to us although we understand life on earth is not forever. We must purpose to cherish each day and build beautiful memories with the special people we have in our lives. Healing is a journey and each our journeys are uniquely different. Speak to a professional if you feel led to. There’s nothing wrong with getting help. I recommend it. We’ll see our loved ones again one day, and what a glorious day that will be, but until then, may we live bold beautiful lives.