Don't I Deserve Love?

“I’m tired of being alone,” Charmaine sighed. “Ever since I’ve broken up with Damian, I seem to only attract idiots. Maybe my mother was right after all, I’m just too difficult.”

“Don’t say that,” Charmaine’s friend Morgan said. “We all go through tough breakups.”

“I guess you’re right. I just feel so hopeless.”

“I know what you mean, girl. I’m not gonna lie, it’s hard out here but it’s not impossible to find love. Hell, my parent’s have been married for thirty years. I’m not going to give up and you aren’t either baby.”

Charmaine and Morgan sat across from each other in a semi crowded cafe conversing about their love life. The year had just began and it already looked like it was going to be another year of the same ole bull. The ladies wondered why love had to be so complicated. Both of them now entering their early thirties worried their window to find happiness slowly closed. They laughed with each other to keep from crying. The smell of assorted latte’s and warm pastries filled their corner of the cafe, temporarily distracting them.

“I’m tired of talking about this,” Morgan chuckled. “ You wan’t something to eat?”

“I could go for a chai tea latte. Thank you.”

They sipped their drinks and watched the people that came in and out of the door. It seemed like there were happy couples everywhere. Charmaine looked around and noticed men and women embracing in seemingly every direction. At one point she thought there had to be some sort of joke being played on her. Every social media post seemed to evoke a similar sentiment. Was everyone happy but me? Charmaine wondered, sliding her phone back into her purse in between sips. Don’t I deserve to find love and happiness too?

***

Love, what a small word that packs so much power and meaning. Just the mere sight of the word can evoke a strong emotional response. Love is often a word that is tossed around and used carelessly at times. Love brings us joy and some times tears of despair. It’s complicated and confusing. It’s also beautiful and life giving. It’s absence can leave us searching our entire lives for it. It’s power has driven people to do miraculous things. The good book says, God is Love. 1st Corinthians 13: 4 reminds us of that. No matter what your thoughts about love are, we can all agree, there’s much to be said about it. I believe we all need it in our lives. At the core of who we are, we all seek to be understood and appreciated on some level. I’m inclined to believe that to be true. In fact, I believe it’s what connects us all within this human experience. It’s our capacity to give and receive love that truly makes us human.

There are so many different aspects of love to talk about, but today, I’d like to focus on romantic love, or Eros, as the Greeks so passionately referred to it. Think about those butterflies you’ve felt when you stared into the eyes of your lover. Remember the feeling you felt in your gut when you kissed the one you loved for the first time. Your heart beat as if it were dancing on a cloud, didn’t it? In those moments, we feel alive and completely blown away by the experience. It’s exhilarating and honestly what makes life truly special. Sometimes there are hiccups on our road to Eros that can leave us feeling like we’ll never experience that kind magic again. Or worse that we’re simply unlovable and destined to remain lonely forever.

The heart of this message is simple. I wrote this piece to remind you, if you’ve been having a tough time with love, that there is love reserved for you no matter what you’ve faced in the past. It doesn’t matter what your parents, ex lover, current lover or friends have said about you, I’m reminding you that there is nothing about you that disqualifies you from receiving love. There is someone out there right now, that can’t stop thinking about you. There’s someone right now, as you read this, that was glad the good Lord woke you up this morning. The most beautiful thing about that is, you may not have even met this person yet. If you’re going through a tough time with your lover, things can change for the better. May these words uplift your spirit today. Love isn’t just some fairy tale reserved for a select few, there’s love out there for you. Dare to believe, you’re stepping into a season of romance, rose pedals and baecations. Dare to believe, the good Lord is getting ready to allow your path to cross with someone who won’t be able to get enough of you.

Above all, remember to love yourself. You deserve to be happy. You’ve got to believe that. You deserve to smile like never before. Don’t let anyone convince you, it’s not possible. Revisit this piece on days when you feel discouraged and hopeless. If you were looking for confirmation, well, here it is. You deserve love, my friend.

A Mother’s Day Letter

Sunday brunches, hugs, and lots of laughter are in the air this morning, as many look to celebrate the leading ladies of their lives. Warm smiles, heartfelt cards and recollections of sweet memories shared with our dearest matriarch, will undoubtedly be one of the highlights of the day. Although we make efforts to honor our mother’s everyday, there’s something a little special about this holiday.

I open this piece with a moment of silence, as I reflect on my own mother who has departed this life and if you’ve lost a mother too, I extend this moment to you. It’s been almost four years now, and it feels like I just got off of the phone with her, after having one of our silly conversations. We used to always do that. I dreamt of her last night and she seems to be doing just fine. Life is unpredictable, yet spectacular at the same time. Through loss, we learn a lot about ourselves. Through loss, we learn to appreciate the present.

I write this piece to recognize those, who like me, have lost one of the most important women in their lives. Mother’s day can be a painful reminder, for many who are navigating the uncharted waters of grief. Although the pain may never truly go away, we learn to adapt and find ways to move forward. We’re in this together. Be kind to yourself on this day; you are not a lone. I walk this same path with you.

As you celebrate Mother’s Day, think of someone you know who may be without their mother. Give them a call to let them know they’re on your mind. We travel life’s long winding journey together, and there is nothing more comforting than to know others are thinking about you. I honor each Mother, soon be the Mother, Mother figure and beloved Grandmother on this glorious Sunday. This is your day; you’ve earned the right be celebrated.

Lastly, to those of you who are currently estranged from your mother for various reasons, there is no judgement here. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to honor the day. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel bad, for you know the depths of your relationship with your mother. I end with this; in all things, let us choose to lead with love.

Happy Mother’s Day. 

Love and Thankfulness

The browning of falling leaves and cool breezes from the north, represent faithfully the changing of the seasons. We embrace the warmth of our favorite sweaters and pull out our favorite seasonal boots out the box as we’re ushered into the season of Starbucks specialties, the return of the NBA and Christmas movies. Old memories of my Mother and Grandmother cooking to the sound of Sam Cooke’s soulful voice still make me smile to this day. Fall is here, standing proud in all of it’s glory.

What a great time to be alive despite some of the challenges we may have had to endure just to make it to the end of another year. That alone is something to be grateful for. Also knowing that things are only getting better from here is another reason to wake up feeling more alive than you’ve ever felt before. Now the history of Thanksgiving Day may have been originally shrouded in negativity but today we choose to celebrate love, family, togetherness and healing.

May we take the time today to lift up those who have lost loved ones in recent times. Perhaps this could be the first holiday season without their special someone. I’ve been there before and I know how difficult it can be to get into the spirit of the times. I think I speak for many of us who understand the pain of loss, when I say, we’re sending love and peace your way. To anyone who may be feeling lonely today, I want to encourage you to remember you’re not alone and there are people who love and appreciate you. You may not have crossed paths with them yet but they’re there. This is just a temporary moment in your life.

May we each count our blessings and always remember to give thanks for it is in our gratitude we discover our greatest treasure. You may be standing in the shadow of your toughest moment yet, however I ask you to open your eyes and feel the light of the sun that is reminding you trouble won’t last always. Let us each fill our homes with nothing but warm love, laughter, healing, bountiful togetherness and the aroma of good food on this 22nd day of November, 2018. Happy Thanksgiving.