Reflections From The Road: Road-Tripping While Black

Reflections From The Road: Road-Tripping While Black

Written and Read by: B.W. McKay

The sound of the trunk latching closed signaled the start of yet another adventure. All of our bags had been carefully arranged for the long drive south. I opened the driver’s side door, but before taking my seat, I briefly looked up at the sky and watched a few straggling clouds pass by. It was late in the evening; the sun had already begun hiding its face behind the horizon. For me, this was the best time to get down the road.

The journey to Texas was, without a doubt, a long one. The trip would take us through Knoxville, Nashville, Memphis, Little Rock, and Dallas before reaching our final destination of Austin, Texas. Could we have flown? Sure. But I lobbied to drive, as I wanted to see parts of the country I’d never seen before.

I meticulously checked each highway and byway the night before in bed. I’m a sucker for great scenery, so I planed the route accordingly. Road trips are always an experience, especially when it’s with the people you love.

We understood we’d be traveling through historically tense areas. To put it bluntly, we were traveling through the underbelly of America: the same parts of America that thrived off of the oppression of my ancestors. Though we live in the twenty-first century, some of the same toxic ideas still exist and they were on full display. Throughout Tennessee, we saw huge confederate flags flying high from the highway. There were folks with confederate flag vanity plates on their car as well. You could see the pride in their eyes when we passed by.

As we continued our journey through Nashville, on I-65, there hidden in the trees, was a statue of a former Ku Klux Klan leader. I find it disgusting that America celebrates these kind people and what they stood for. I always tried to make sure we were full of fuel to avoid stopping in many of the small towns in that region. It didn’t matter how well I planned, when the car needed fuel, it needed fuel.

I thought of what the ancestors endured traveling these same routes. The Negro Motorist Green-Book, or commonly known as, The Green-Book, was a guide that helped Black folks navigate the American roadways during segregation. I still feel its relevance today. We passed through towns that were historically known as Sundown towns. The GPS led us through dark back roads, to avoid traffic, where the homes proudly displayed their confederate and American flags. It wouldn’t be a great place to break down, that’s for sure.

Nearing empty, we made one last stop before getting back on the highway. Being that I’m a Black man covered in tattoos while sporting a headband with a full beard, I’m sure I stuck out like a sore thumb, and quite frankly, I didn’t care.

Thankfully, we were at the point where we could get back on Route 40: a major highway. After 23 hours and some change, we made it to Austin, Texas, which is an absolutely beautiful city. When we finally reached our destination, I reflected on the drive. I was tired but thankful we arrived safely. I was glad to be able to see some of those parts of America, although many of the places, I wouldn’t stay.

Being ever so conscious of our surroundings is a part of the Black American experience. Always being hyper-aware of the gas tank in relation to the nearby towns, is a part of the Black American experience. Expecting odd looks and stares in America’s small towns is a part of the American Black experience. Constantly looking in the rearview mirror to make sure the police aren’t tailing you is a part of the Black American experience. Hoping to never break down in certain areas out of fear that you’d be lynched or mobbed, is yet again, a part of the Black American experience. This is road-tripping while Black in America.

See It Through

See It Through

Written and Read by: B.W. McKay

I used to be the king of never finishing things in my life. I’d often find myself blinded by the bright lights of a new idea, only to be consumed by the next big thing. Temporarily high off the prospect of finally getting ahead, I’d end up back at square one months later with nothing but another failed attempt to get my footing. Distracted, frustrated, and seemingly unable to make progress, I’d lick my wounds and get back on the hamster wheel again. This cycle continued throughout my teenage years and well into my early twenties. During those years, I discovered just how easy it was to live in a state of perpetual movement but never actually going anywhere.

The world is a noisy place. Browsing through social media can be a trap these days. I used to look at all of the people who appeared to be successful, and wondered why my life paled in comparison. It seemed like everyone had a successful business, made more money, and lived the life of their dreams while I was still trying to figure out where all of the time went. I spent many days and nights trying all kinds of things, except actually being committed to one thing at a time. Learning to keep my zeal in check proved to be one of the greatest tasks I’d ever faced. Perhaps you can relate. Have you ever found yourself spinning your wheels in the mud? Do you start things, you never finish?

It took me a while to admit there was a pattern I needed to break. I slowly realized that if I were to ever move forward and realize the dreams deep within me, I had to learn to see things through to the end. I developed habits that were very difficult to break. For instance, I became comfortable convincing myself things weren’t for me whenever I faced opposition. When the road got tough, I bailed for the next big idea, only for it to meet the same fate.

Seeing things through takes courage, discipline and, heart. Learning to see my goals as small actionable steps helped me to stay focus. Patience is something that I still have to keep in check today. I often get ahead of myself, but I no longer let that stop me from getting things done. I find taking breaks and celebrating the small victories keeps me motivated. Also, be sure to use your time wisely as it is a finite resource.

If there’s something you promised yourself you’d complete this year, I want you to see it through. You have what it takes to get things done. Don’t let distractions stop you from doing what you said you were going to do for yourself. I find that completing things gives me the confidence to tackle the next goal. Remember, ideas are a dime a dozen; execution separates the greats from those who never quite live up to their potential. Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been neglecting your dreams. I know what it feels like to break promises to myself. Today is a new day. You got this. I believe in you.

Hope for Today

Hope for Today

Written and Read by: B.W. McKay

There have been very few times in my life where I’ve struggled to find the words to say. When I sat down to write this evening, I felt uncharacteristically unsettled. For several minutes I stared at a blank page, unsure of what my heart would tell me. I couldn’t seem to shake thoughts of loss and grief.

When you lose a loved one, life as you know it is never the same. Although we’re intimately aware of the temporary nature of our human experience, the pain caused by death never quite settles. There are days you remember the people you’ve had the honor of knowing with fondness, and then there are moments you wonder why life has to be so damned unfair. When I lifted my eyes from the computer, I noticed the stars made an appearance in the night sky outside of my window.

Tonight, in my writing space, my thoughts were with those who’ve lost loved ones during this season of life. It’s never easy to close a chapter and it’s certainly not easy to move forward. If you’ve lost a loved one, know that you are loved.

If you’ve struggled to get out of bed in the morning, I’m writing to you. If you’ve found yourself stricken with grief and you feel like you’re going crazy, I’m writing to you. Give yourself permission to feel. You’re allowed to be human. It’s okay not to be okay. I’ve embraced this sentiment deeply this year.

Take each day slowly, and remember to breathe. Take each moment slowly; be present. You’re not alone. We’re walking this journey together.

Dear Mama

Dear Mama

Written and Read by: B.W. McKay

My thoughts often drift to her. It’s been six years since my mother departed this life. Around this time of the year, I find myself being reminded of her in some of the strangest ways. I laugh sometimes when I drive by a Popeyes, as random as that sounds. We used to love eating their waffle chicken together; that was our thing. We’d laugh and talk about life over that greasy bag of food. Those memories keep her spirit alive in my heart. Her love, after all this time, can still be felt even in her absence. That’s the kind of impact you have on the lives around you.

Today, I write this piece in honor of all mothers. It’s my greatest hope that these words speak to you. May you also smile and feel the sincerity of these words as they jump from the page and into your heart. There’s nothing quite like your love. Please don’t ever underestimate the power of your words. Even if they appear to fall on deaf ears, trust me, your children hear you. Your wisdom, love, and insight will be felt for generations to come. May you receive your flowers here and now. Although every day should be your day, we understand how life can get in the way. Enjoy all of the attention, you deserve it.

Don’t lose heart if you’re in a strange place with your children. Relationships can be challenging, especially during the adolescent stages. I didn’t always see eye to eye with my mother. Trust me, they see and hear you. They know you mean well when you offer your advice. Your tough love at the moment might feel annoying, but keep speaking into their lives and pushing them to be great. One day, they’ll find out, you actually knew what you were talking about. I was hard-headed too! If you haven’t heard thank you in a while, I’m thanking you for all that you do.

Life can be painful and unpredictable. I wish it weren’t the case, but it’s the nature of this life. I’m going to address something tough. Some of our parents had issues that prevented them from being what we needed. If you’ve been estranged from your mother due to toxicity, and you feel it’s best to keep your distance, please don’t let anyone make you feel bad for guarding your heart. As much as you may love your mother, being in contact with her will be detrimental to your mental health and self-esteem. Perhaps you’ve tried over and over again to mend the situation to no avail. As much as it hurts, you’ve got to keep protecting yourself and I’m proud of you for doing what you have to do. Nobody deserves to be mistreated.

Lastly, if you’ve just recently lost your mother, I extend my deepest condolences to you. Be kind to yourself today as you continue the journey of healing. I know the pain well; I understand the gaping hole a mother’s absence leaves. It’s a different kind of pain. Hang in there today. You’re loved.

Happy Mother’s Day to you.

Delusions of Grandeur

Delusions of Grandeur

Written and read by: B.W. McKay

I told myself I wouldn’t do it, but there I was watching the opening statements of the Derek Chauvin trial. I could feel my blood pumping through my veins with the intensity of molten lava when I saw his face on the screen. My heightened awareness might have been due to my obvious anger: the same anger that gave birth to an unsettled spirit who has witnessed far too many injustices in this short lifetime. After a string of all too familiar atrocities, my cynicism was on red alert. Let it be known, I do not trust the justice system or those who profit from Black death, but that’s a whole other story.

Each time I think of George Floyd, I reminded of the fact it could have been me. What would the media say about me if I were in his shoes? What would the consensus be? Would America label me a thug? Would America come to the conclusion that my life wasn’t worth a damn? America has a strange love affair with Black death.

Is America really as great as it proclaims itself to be? I’ll answer the question for you: it is not. We mustn’t hide from the truth, for the truth shall hopefully set this country free of its staggering delusion. As important issues such as race-related crimes against humanity go unpunished, I often wonder when those in leadership will finally address the elephant in the room. I’m not talking about symbolic gestures, but real meaningful change.

Racist policies and agendas continue to fuel the racial divide. One day we’ll reach a tipping point, perhaps we’re already there. We find ourselves at this uncomfortable crossroad time and time again. When will things change? They utter God Bless America from their chambers. What kind of God relishes in Black death and oppression?

America must wake up and deal with its sin against my people, until then, it cannot truly move forward. Four years of Donald Trump has shown us just how far things could go when open racism and hatred are not checked or challenged by those who lead. We cannot deny this reality. As the killers of Brionna Taylor and many other’s continue to walk free, there will never truly be peace in the land. The soil of this nation is stained with the blood of my people. We cannot pretend this ugly history is not apart of the American story.

Be encouraged brothers and sisters. As the trial of Derek Chauvin continues, please be kind to yourself as the information we learn over the coming days may be triggering and overwhelming. Please give yourself grace and take care of your mental today.

Words of Healing

Words Of Healing

Written and read by: B.W. McKay

Life is full of beautiful moments and sorrowful moments. There are challenging times and extraordinary times. It’s this unpredictable nature of life, that brings forth much anxiety.

To love and experience love, makes this earthly experience worth it. Today may we focus on love; it’s always leading the way.

We get through the tough times in life by intentionally choosing love, togetherness, leaning on our faith, and always striving to see the good in all things.

During difficult days and restless nights, may we allow ourselves to feel, freely. May we cry without judgment. May we smile at the fond memories we’ve shared with our loved ones, without guilt.

Today we choose to celebrate life. Love conquers all, and that’s how we’ll purpose to move forward. The days ahead won’t always be easy, but we’ll get through them together.

You’re never alone. Again I say, you’re never alone.

A Beautiful Leap

A Beautiful Leap

Written and read by: B.W. McKay

A few weeks ago, I traversed what was arguably, the most beautiful terrain I’d ever seen. Surrounded by mature cacti, red rocks, and uncharacteristically cold temperatures, I trudged along the trail eager to reach the top of South Mountain. It was my goal since the prior day of rain delayed my earnest efforts. The Arizona sun beat upon me as I placed one foot in front of the other, carefully inching my way up the meandering natural surface, that had been kissed by millions of years of scorching heat. The rocks beneath my feet shifted under my weight with each focused step. I had to be patient and careful, because one wrong step would send me falling amongst the temperamental Cholla’s. Trust me, you don’t want to touch one of those.

After two challenging miles, I stood along the edge and admired the earth below. I could see the city of Phoenix in the distance. It was nestled in the shadow of Camelback and Mummy Mountain. The Sonoran landscape was breathtaking.

There was a bench that overlooked the entire valley, a few feet from where I stood. I took a seat, while alone with my thoughts, and began to dig deep into my heart. Nature has a sneaky way of provoking deep thought, doesn’t it? The word dream kept coming to me. Dreaming big had always been a fascinating part of my life. For as long as I could remember, I’ve always wanted more.

As a visionary and still quite the dreamer, I focused on my where life was headed. I purposed to make 2021 a year of taking the leap. You see playing it safe in life, hardly ever did anyone justice. Confronting our deepest dreams can often feel overwhelming and scary. The fear can be debilitating. That fear also leads to hesitation and apprehension. We’ve got to press forward in spite of these challenging emotions. Facing our dreams head on, takes courage.

What have you been dreaming of? Have you been hesitant to take the leap in your life? I encourage you today to consider this, we’re only residents of the earth for a finite period of time. We owe it ourselves to leave nothing on the table. Apply for that job overseas. Tell that person you’ve always loved, that you love them. Move to that city you’ve always wanted to move to. Life is about taking chances. There’s something uniquely charming and frightening about taking leaps of faith, but it’s worth it. I’m learning this first hand. While there are few guarantees in life, you will always be glad you decided to follow your dreams. Let’s go get the desires of our hearts.

America’s Ugly Truth

I stood in front of my television on January 6th, unable to find the words to adequately describe the foolishness I watched unfold in real-time. I shook my head and chuckled to myself at the absurdity. Oh, believe me, it was no laughing matter. I struggled to make sense of the chaos that ensued. I never thought I’d live to see something so outlandish, and this is coming from a millennial who has lived through quite a bit in my 34 years of life. I watched as unrelenting thugs rushed the Capitol under the direction of their leader, Donald J. Trump, a man I still cannot believe has been President since 2016.

In the wake of the aftermath of the Capitol siege that left several people dead and many more injured, it’s not hard to see how this brazen assault has further crippled the American political system. America, if it is to grow and evolve for the better, must face its ugly truth. The underbelly of this country has reared its uncultivated head yet again. It’s time for America to deal with its unhealthy obsession with political correctness, racism, and homegrown terrorism, conveniently disguised as patriotism.

America is deeply racist, hypocritical, and in disarray. I know this. You know this. Politicians know this too, although many choose to look the other way in favor of their own political ambitions. Some go as far as to pretend they don’t understand many of our movements and calls to action in the realm of social justice and equality. Instead, they antagonize and use red herrings to counter our concerns, especially that of Black people. It’s all a game to some of these folks. This is precisely why I believe politics has not done much to progress this country in my lifetime.

So where do we go from here? I’m not sure exactly. I’m glad the world now can see America’s true colors. It can no longer hide behind a wall of faux grandeur and self-righteous delusion. During the summer of 2020, Black American’s who desperately desired change was villainized for taking the streets in protest in the aftermath of the murder of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd. We were called names for attempting to hold our justice system accountable for heinous crimes against humanity. Now, look at where we are in the early part of 2021. A large group of white men and women who couldn’t accept the election results has shown us who the real terrorist and thugs are. Will these folks really be charged, or is this all a smokescreen? Will Trump face real consequences for inciting a riot and getting people killed? Will America finally admit some of it’s most dangerous people wear lab coats, suits, and badges? I won’t hold my breath. Pardon my cynicism, but I don’t have much confidence in this system. The uneducated stereotype doesn’t hold up to the facts. It wasn’t just poor white folks from the backwoods raging on the Capitol steps waving their beloved confederate flags. It’s time to get real.

In closing, on January 6th, America’s open racism and passivity were on full display. Let it be known, my brothers and sisters would have been slaughtered right on the Capitol steps, if roles were reversed. President Biden tried to calm the fears of the country by insinuating what we all saw was not the real America. Sorry President Biden, I disagree, this is America.

Refocused

The early morning sunlight filled our room. It slipped its way between the tangled blinds and danced along the walls. I followed the light with my eyes as I placed my feet on the soft carpet. I stretched, thanking the good Lord for a new day and another opportunity to go at it again. I slept well and was prepared to tackle the first day of 2021. I kissed my wife’s forehead as she peacefully slept. In an effort not to disturb her rest, I crept out of the room, and queitly shut the door behind me.

It was a nippy morning outside. I got dressed and set out to get my first jog of the new year in. Being outdoors always helps me process my thoughts. Thankfully, we can all let go of our collective breath as 2020 is finally a thing of the past. We’ve turned the page, and stepped right into the second chapter of the decade. To those who struggled to get their footing in 2020, there’s hope. I believe things are going to change for the better in your life.

Over the course of my life, I’ve learned just how important being intentional is. I believe thriving is a choice and it starts with intentionality. When I got back home I pulled out my notepad and spent the first day of the year taking inventory of my life. I started by writing down all of the lessons I’ve learned in the prior year. It was both refreshing and enlightening to see all of the lessons I’ve learned; it gave me so much confidence, as I began to set my sights on what lied ahead. My strategic planning for 2021 continued with the creation of my personal and business mission statement. From there I chose my word of the year, which is vitality. Do you have a word for the year? I encourage you to come up with a personal theme and word that will give this year clarity and direction. It really helps to create more focused goals.

Organizing my life strategically has really provided tremendous benefits. I like to break down my year into quarters. Breaking down my goals into quarterly targets prevents me from becoming overwhelmed by some of the things I have set myself to accomplish this year. Seeing the year on paper broken down this way gives me get a good view of all of my targets and I’m then able to create a plan of attack. Setting the tone early is paramount as the days become weeks. Time really does fly. Perhaps you may find my method helpful. There’s no right or wrong way to go about it. This is what works for me.

I wasn’t always an organized person in my life. And I’ll be the first to tell you, there are still days I fumble around looking for my keys, but hey, I’ve made progress. Discipline, organization, and proper focused planning has helped me see a lot of me dreams come to fruition. This is a big year for me and my family as we are set to move across the country, so it’s imperative that I remain focused.

Lastly, choose to be kind to yourself this year as you continue to make strides in your life. While we’d all love to perfectly reach our goals in a straight line, it’s more than likely there will be some deviations along the way. Adjustments are apart of the process. Feel free to readjust your goals throughout your journey. Every day is a new beginning, so please give yourself grace. Remember to dream big always. All things worth having in life, require the best of you. Be encouraged and always ready for what lies ahead. You got this. While this year may come with it’s unique challenges, I want you to know you’re built to last. There is nothing you can’t do. Let’s make this a year to remember.

Finding Freedom

Finding Freedom

Written and read by: B.W. McKay

For many years I quietly accepted ideas that were not my own. Religion was ingrained in me since birth, practically. As someone who grew up in the church, the stories I read and the dogma preached was all I knew. I became a commander of the gospel in my youth. I learned to disregard other people’s point of view and would accuse them of needing saving when their personal views did not align with the views of my church. I still cringe when I think about it. I felt empowered due to my ability to recall scriptures on a dime and believed it was my duty to save everyone. I was heavily encouraged to evangelize by the church leaders. I felt that was all my life was worth to them.

I spent the majority of my teenage years in Youth Ministry. I was conditioned and pressured to be this thoughtless robotic Christian. I suppressed my own ideas and accepted the Pastor’s perception of the world. They forced us to sing and dance during praise and worship and if we didn’t, there was a lecture. “Isn’t God good? Why aren’t you praising him?! People are dying every day and you’re just standing there!?” There was even a youth service where one of the youth leaders tried to make us speak in tongues. I stood at the front while one of the leaders prayed for me. Nothing was happening, and I could sense his frustration. I strung a few odd words together based on what I’d heard others do, just to go back to my seat. It felt unnatural to be pressured this way. The immense guilt as a result of not truly conforming was always there, lingering. It was a heavy thing to shake. I’d often apologize for having my own thoughts.

The ministry put us in a box. We were mindless people who were encouraged to believe everything about us was bad. By simply existing, we were damaged. They dangled hell in front of us to keep us in line. It was a breeding ground for low self-esteem. The control was the worst. Everything had to be approved by the Pastor. I can remember people having to get his blessings just to move on with their lives. When I finally got the courage to leave to live my own life, I felt like the odd man out. I was the young man who lost his way. Many of the folks I went to church with were like my family.

Today, I embrace my ideas about religion without fear or self-judgment. It took me a while to get to this place. When you actually take a step back and think about it, the foundation of religion is built on fear. Maybe you’ve been feeling this uneasiness in your own spiritual life. There is such thing as spiritual abuse and it’s more common than you think. Spiritual marginalization occurs when you are ostracized for having your own thoughts and questions. I can remember my questions being labeled as unbelief because they were too difficult for the religious leader to address, thus labeling me someone who needed more Jesus. Spirituality is liberation, while religion is a prison.

This piece was written not to say believing in Christ is wrong. It’s a piece that challenges the idea that we are not capable of making our own decisions about our spirituality without manipulation. Many spiritual leaders mean well, but they do not fully grasp the impact, and or magnitude of gross judgment. May we all continue to grow, learn, and become at peace with ourselves. We all were truly fearfully and wonderfully made. Our spiritual journey is deeply personal. Never let anyone make you feel bad for questioning your beliefs. It’s your right to question what you believe. Freedom of thought makes life beautiful.