Thriving in a world of Chaos

It feels as if we’ve been holding our collective breath the entire year. If it ain’t one thing, it surely is another. I’m not one to feed into popular tropes, but is 2020 over yet? That seems to be the consensus. From the coronavirus, open racism and a myriad of losses, many of us are asking when will things get back to normal. Anxiety, uncertainty and fear has seeped into our everyday lives. Life, as unpredictable as it is, has been extraordinarily challenging for a lot of people. How do we cope with all that has and continues to happen in a world seemingly gone mad?

I won’t profess to have a perfect answer to the question but I do believe there’s hope for all of us that have been challenged by the events of this year. In the midst of this uncomfortable season in our lives, I’m daring to believe that no matter what we face, we’ll be able to stand on the other side of these trying times with more confidence, strength and resilience than ever before.

As we continue this journey through life, it’s important that we remember we’ve been through tough times before. You’re still standing. You’re going to get through this. You may have taken a few bumps and bruises along the way, but the next season of your life will be one of the greatest in your life. Don’t lose hope.

I’ve learned a few things as I’ve spent the greater part of this year in deep thought. One of the things I’ve found valuable is making sure to limit exposure to the news. There’s rarely anything good on the news these days. I’ve found peace by spending time with loved ones and consciously focusing on where I want to be. Dream big, I always say, you truly have purpose. I don’t care how much money you think you don’t have. It doesn’t matter how many loses you’ve taken. What matters is you’re coming out of this year with laser sharp focus and determination. Hold on, your change is coming. Believe you can still thrive in this world of chaos.

Lastly, focus on your mental health. Unplug from the internet and take a stroll through nature. Be kind to yourself. Listen to your soul today. Follow the still small voice on the inside that’s leading you to the calm waters of peace. Life may not be always be a walk in the park, but you’re on the come up. Say it with me, WE’RE THRIVING NO MATTER WHAT WE FACE. You’re going to be okay. You’ll be able to withstand anything that comes your way. You got this.

Born To Bloom

I came to a sudden stop in a clearing several miles from my home. I checked my watch, and was pleased to see my mile time improve. I beat my prior record by almost an entire minute. I hunched over catching my breath taking in the view off in the distance. There was a beautiful field of tall green grass, colorful flowers and mature oak trees. My curiosity got the best of me. I wandered off of the path into the field that crossed over the trail ahead of me. It was mid day, so the sun shone brightly over me as the unusually crispy air surrounded my body. I didn’t have a particular destination, so I just wandered away losing myself in my own thoughts. Purple and pink flowers were coming into form in the grass beneath my feet. I carefully stepped over them to avoid disturbing their ecosystem. The smell of fresh manicured lawns and the humble buzz of a curious bumble bee caused me to take a step back as it zipped by my head. Spring was in full affect, but it felt oddly different despite my beautiful surroundings. These days a lot of people aren’t really feeling the spirit of the season and understandably so. Many people around the nation are feeling the affect of the pandemic.

I took a deep breath and started back toward my home after awhile, when the flowers caught my attention again. I stopped once more and admired what the good Lord has given us. Nature is a reminder that all things will become beautiful at its appointed time. This season of our lives may feel tough right now, but there’s something wonderful on the other side of what we’re facing today. This sentiment extends beyond just the pandemic. All areas of our lives are included.

Today I ask you to stop and admire nature for a moment. Find a peaceful landscape photo, or take a stroll through your own neighborhood. Just like flowers that bloom after the winter months, we too were born to bloom. Everything you’ve been through in your life has prepared you for your season of growth, opportunity and increase. Deep within you are dreams that are getting ready to manifest. You’ve been working hard. You’ve been believing in better days. You’ve been pressing forward during times other’s would have quit. I’m asking you to hold on during these unprecedented times. Choose to believe you’re on the cusp of something extraordinary.

Though our world may feel strange at times, the sun will shine again. One the other side of this event, you’ll still be standing.

While We Wait: Battling Mental Exhaustion

I’m sitting in my home office looking out of the window as I write this. The sky’s virgin blue hue, along with the unobstructed sunshine has me feeling better today. I’ve always considered myself to be someone not easily overcome by emotion, but I’ve got to admit, the quarantine has got me in my feelings. I don’t know if it’s the forced isolation or the constant reminder of chaos that has created this uneasiness. I often wonder how this situation will end and if I think about too deeply, my head begins to hurt. I don’t know what to make of any of this, really. This experience has certainly been a challenging one for all of us.

I’ve filled my days with lots of movement to keep me feeling alive. My wife and I now enjoy breakfast, lunch and dinner together on a daily basis, which was something we weren’t really able to do often. My little sister came over to stay with us during this time so we can ride it out as a family. I’ve gone outside and jogged. Sometimes up to three times a day on several occasions. I’ve read books. I even picked up the dusty PlayStation 4 controller just for kicks. I’ve written too, of course. But what do you do after you’ve watched all of the Netflix programs, surfed the internet all day and read just about everything you can get your hands on? You begin to realize just how much COVID-19 has changed our lives.

At first I shied away from following the news posts religiously, but later found myself refreshing the page every few minutes, days later. I’m not much of a television guy, but I’ve got to admit, I did watch Tiger King, the Netflix docuseries that has caused quite a stir recently. If you haven’t seen that, you’ve got to see it. It’s crazy, I’ll just say that. With the Governor’s recent Stay-at-home order, we’ll all have to find creative ways to keep ourselves sane while we wait. I know people feel like their going insane being at home all day. That’s just our reality at this point in time.

Despite what we face today in our present time, I think finding healthy ways to cope with the emotional and mental affects of this situation is paramount. I’ve gotten myself in a little grove and I’d like to share what I’ve done so far to keep my self at bay. While I’m not successful at this everyday, I hope this helps you immensely.

1. Morning Quiet time: In the morning I purpose in my heart to spend some time alone with my thoughts. Often, that includes jotting down notes, prayer and also working on my next book, There’s Somethin’ about Love. Sitting alone in silence can be therapeutic and it helps me get my day started with minimal distractions such as phones and email. I often reflect on the prior day which helps me plot my path forward in regards to what I need to accomplish for the day. It’s a great way to level set with yourself.

2. Healthy Eating: Almonds and Spinach is normally my go to, but I’m not going to lie, I had lemon pepper wings and pizza the other day. Being home more often easily leads to snacking and over indulging from time to time. Let’s be real, eating right is tough. In fact, if I may, I’d like to forget my whole birthday dinner while we’re on the topic of food. Eating bad every now and then isn’t a crime but we have to be more conscious now that many of us are home through out the day. It’s getting real!

3. Get Moving: Walking for at least thirty minutes is good for the soul.I actually enjoy doing that more than jogging some days. It feels good just hitting the pavement and smelling the fresh air. It does wonders .

4. Check on loved ones: It’s easy to get caught with what’s happening in our lives. Sometimes we can lose sight of the people we care about who may also going through things. We all need each other. I try to reach out to my folks by sending messages and picking up the phone. Calling someone just to see how they’re doing can make a person’s day. You may be the voice they needed to hear to bring some comfort to their lives. Letting people know you’ve thought about them will do their heart some good.

5. Count thy Blessings: We’re all incredibly blessed, although sometimes it may not feel that way. But if you took a few minutes to really think about where you’ve been and what you’ve overcome, you can’t help but to be grateful. Each day I like to think of a couple of things I’m thankful for. It keeps me humble and grounded. Also by counting our blessings we’re able to pin point ways of being a blessing to others.

6. Expanding the Mind: We’re never too old to learn something new. I love to spend time reading and watching informative programs. There’s nothing like broaden my horizons. I’ve learned so many new things over the past few weeks.

7. Perfecting Gifts: Each of us were born with a set of unique abilities that we can use to make the world around us a better place. We should all use this time to move our lives forward, and that means something different for each of us. Dig deep within and think of what you do naturally. Your natural abilities can be gifts to others. You’d be surprised how you can touch the lives of others with things you already love to do.

8. Dream Big: There are times I reserve to just think of all the things I want in life. I dream of all the people I want to impact and how I want to change the lives of those around me. It helps me get clear about my desires and also what steps to take to make these dreams a reality. Have you been giving your dreams attention? Maybe there was a business you always wanted to start. Or you’ve had an idea you wanted to test out for quite some time. I encourage you to write it down and start planning. The time is now.

9. Hobbies: It’s a great time to pick up old hobbies that you might have been too busy for in the past. I know people who love to knit and now have time to pick it up again. Hobbies help to keep our mind off of what’s going on in the world. That small space in time where we can think of something else, is so helpful.

10. Smile: Everything’s going to get better. A warm smile can bring comfort to others who may feel anxiety about what’s happening. Our family needs our positive energy.

These are just some of the ways I’ve been coping. Feel free to share your methods. We can certainly learn from each other. Many blessings to you and yours. If you’ve been out of work or have lost a loved one during this time, my heart goes out to you. We will get through this time together. I’m sure of it.

A Message of Hope

The door closed behind me with a familiar thud. I let out an exhaustive sigh as my back rested against it’s reinforced wood frame. I clinched my eyes closed and glanced down at my phone that provided enough light to clear a pathway through the darkness of my foyer. I crept up the stairs to my office, gently closed the door and began reading all of the big news headlines of the day. COVID-19 was the main character in every piece of writing my eyes met. “This is more serious than I thought,” I said to myself as I scrolled through my news feed. The virus right now is dominating the air waves. Major event’s are being canceled left and right. People are losing faith in the Government and world leaders as panic ensues.

Fear, anxiety and uncertainty is running rampant as we try to make sense of what’s happening in the world today. Many are trying to grasp what this virus means for our lives right now. For those of you who read this, who are feeling afraid, I sincerely understand and I don’t want you to feel bad for feeling uncomfortable by what you’ve been reading and hearing. I know there are folks out there that are criticizing people for being human, and that’s not okay. There’s quite a bit of mis- information floating around that has been purposely spread to sow discord, right along with a growing number of purported stories sensationalized by certain media outlets. These type of events make it difficult to truly understand what we’re dealing with here. We’re in uncharted waters, but that doesn’t mean, there’s no hope for a brighter tomorrow.

I come to you today to share my heart through these words. I’m not a medical professional by any means, but I believe we can get through this difficult time together by sticking to the facts and avoiding speculation. It’s my greatest desire that you’d be encouraged and uplifted as we continue to see how this situation unfolds.

Fear is such a powerful emotion, isn’t it? When we’re confronted with situations like the Corona-virus, our instinctual fight or flight mechanism flairs up because we haven’t quite seen anything like this before. I want to take a moment and just talk about the facts. Here’s what we do know so far to keep ourselves and others healthy according to the Center of Disease control (https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/about/share-facts-h.pdf):

1. Washing our hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds, especially after coughing, sneezing, going to the bathroom and eating is essential.

2. We should avoid touching our eyes, nose and mouth with unwashed hands.

3. We should stay home if we’re sick.

4. We should cover our mouths when we cough or sneeze with a tissue, then throwing the tissue in the trash.

Although these times feel unnatural and uncomfortable, everything is going to be alright. We’ll get through this together by focusing on the facts, adhering to expert precautions and choosing not to participate in sensationalism. Inaccurate information only leads to more pandemonium and mass hysteria which has never helped anyone. Hold on to your faith and believe things are going to get better. I certainly do believe they will. We’ve been through tough days before, and we’re here today as living witnesses that trouble won’t last always. Think back to a time in your life when you felt like you weren’t going to make it. Look at you now, you’re still standing. Things always have a way of working out for good even when it doesn’t seem like at it at the time. Stay aware, stay safe, remain calm and always remember to believe in greater days.

A Beautiful Struggle

 "My Lord, what a day," she said with an exhaustive sigh. That sigh, oh that sigh, symbolized the kind of day she had which like clock work preceded the moment she carefully lowered herself into the big comfortable leather chair we had in our living room. I, being fully aware of her mood,  offered up the boyish grin that I’d always flash when I saw her come through the door. That was many years ago and she was my mother. My mother worked a long twenty something years at the same job. "An exemplary employee and kind soul," folk at her job would say if you asked them about her. The neighbors couldn't find a more loving person, if you let them tell it. With a reputation worth its weight in gold, I nod and smile when other's lift their voice in praise when they'd recall her deeds. My mother, God rest her soul, lived a proud respectable life but there's something she'd teach me in her quiet stoic disposition when times weren't the best that I’ll never forget. I'm talking about those uncomfortable, bills are due, I ain't quite got the money kind of times and Lord, we had a few of those. In her moments of anger and frustration with how life dealt its hand, I saw a woman who chose to believe in better days.

As long as we take air into our lung's there will come a day when we will be tested. When I'd hear the word test growing up, I only associate tests with being in school. "No son, I'm not talking about that kind of test," my mother would say in her half country voice. "Tough times happen to the best of us, but you've got to believe in better days son. Always believe." That always stuck with me. Perspective often defines the lens by which we view our existence. Many of us arise each morning seeking to conquer life's grasp. We pray, we hope, we fight to remain balanced when so many things attempt to shake our foundation. Far too many times, life tries to point its long crooked finger in our faces foolishly trying to convince us that the situations we face in the present moment is far too much to bare. My mother was a woman of faith who had no problem reminded me that trouble didn't last forever when I'd complain about my circumstances. "I don't want to hear it. Thing's will get better son, when you choose to believe they will. What do you really believe?" That question still burns brightly in my field of dreams.

The sunshine is always just a cloud a way. That's the lesson I learned from the life my mother lived. She tried her best to remain joyful even in the midst of difficult times. If you choose to believe in better days, they'll come. The struggle won't last always. Nothing rarely ever stays the same. So that tough spot you might be in, I want you to smile confidently being fully aware that your best days stand proudly before you. Nothing and I mean nothing can block you from the breakthrough you seek. Unless of course you succumb to the belief that you don't deserve thrive. Challenging moments build up your resilience and sharpen your resolve ultimately revealing how much power you've got on the inside.

Today, I only wish to remind you of how powerful you are. I shared the story of my mothers words with you because they've helped me each time I've come to a place in my life when I felt bogged down by the cares of this world. I can't even begin to count the times I've felt like giving up on my dreams because the road I traveled became so difficult, that I even questioned if it were ever in the cards for me to ever become something great. Maybe you've been in a tough stretch recently that has had you feeling worried, stressed and wondering if your situation will ever change. I'm encouraging you to hold on. Your life is far too important for you to call it quits right now. Difficult roads lead to beautiful green pastures when you refuse to throw in the towel. Adapt the mindset that come hell or high water you're going to reach the promised land of your life. What you’ve gone through was never in vain because there’s a lesson in every test. You find beauty in the times you thought you weren’t going to make it but you survived. You discovered what it meant to be an overcomer. It was in those moments you found out what you were truly made of.

A Matter of Life

 "You good man," a friend of mine asked as we rode along. Of course I wasn't. "Yea, I think I'm fine," I replied unsure of what had just happened to me. I lied, I was scared out of my mind. In the middle of an intense debate about who was better between Biggie and Tupac, I struggled to get air into my lungs while my heart beat as if I had just ran a circuit of the Boston Marathon. Almost as if invisible walls were closing in on me, my friend who happened to be driving, noticed the difficulty I was having. I had never quite felt that way before. Terrifying thoughts bounced around my cerebral cortex. Am I dying? Did I just have a heart attack?  I didn't know and that was the scariest part of it all. In my brazen attempt to be cool about it, I brushed it off as possibly acid re-flux but when it happened again minutes later, I reluctantly asked him to take me to the ER. Medical machines, pesky forms, sounds of moaning patients and long wait times were the terms I could use to describe that evening. Embarrassed by what had happened, I thought of that day long after it passed. Thankfully everything checked out fine in terms of my body, but what I did learn, changed me forever.

"Wait a minute Doc, say what?" I replied after he mentioned the word anxiety. To my knowledge at the time there wasn't anything that I thought I was actively worrying about. I got on the internet after I left the doctors and earned the nickname, google master by my then girlfriend. Lord, did I. Day and night I researched things which led to a small bout of hypochondria. Web MD will honestly have you believing you've got everything. If I was honest with my self, I would have realized I actually worried about quite a few things. I worried about how I’d pay for college at the time. I worried about my health. I secretly worried if I'd ever find the one. You name it, I worried about it. Admitting I had a challenge was probably one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. All of those stressors piled on top of each other as if they were bricks, layer by layer, continually wearing me down until I cracked under the weight of it all. That panic attack was an eye opening experience for me. I made a decision that day, I wouldn't allow anxiety to control me.

Learning how to manage stress became my highest priority. As a compassionate person, I developed a tendency carry other people's burdens which was not healthy. There were nights I'd lie in my bed unable to sleep because I felt the pain of those I loved who shared stories of abuse, stress and other gut wrenching situations. Over time with help, I was able to learn to care for others in a healthier way without sacrificing my own health. In the many years that have passed since that bout with anxiety, I can honestly say it taught me so much about myself. As a black man who spent years feeling embarrassed about those panic attacks, I can proudly say today, I've grown so much. I encourage men to be open about what they feel on the inside. In fact, my upcoming novel, Digging Deep Within: A Story of Courage and Liberation, addresses the same issue on a much deeper level. I don't know what you're facing today but I want to let you know you're not crazy for having uncomfortable feelings and thoughts.

Today, we face so many different things on a daily basis. People are burnt out by their jobs on top of the demands that reside from taking care of our families and other important obligations. Just making a living can feel like you’re trying to keep your head above water. It can be a lot to shoulder on your own. I wish to encourage anyone who reads this, that feels like they need to seek help, don't second guess yourself. Learn the signs of depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. Please, don't be ashamed of it either. There's nothing more honorable or courageous than taking care of one's mental health. It's so important and in some cases it's the difference between life and death. So many people feel afraid to confront these challenges because they worry about what others may think of them. This is about you and your life. You're going places. You're strong. You are not alone. We're in this together. There's hope.

Wherein Lies the Difference

"You really think this could work?" my brother asked one day during an impromptu outing at a restaurant we frequented often. In between sipping my room temperature tap water and devouring tortilla chips, I replied with a smile, "anything's possible, if you're willing to put in the work." Conversations of business and big dreams dominated many of our outings which in many ways, I've grown to appreciate more and more as the years have gone by.  Later that warm evening after the aroma of fresh salsa, Latin Jazz and great company had then faded into a freshly cemented memory, I thought of the people who’ve had big dreams and desires of great achievement themselves but never quite saw them come to pass. Why? I wondered as the cool autumn breeze slipped it's way through the crack of my window as my car continued it's glide down a near empty route 50, with home set as my destination. Nearly lost in a sea of unbridled thought, I found that solitude almost spiritually evoked some of my greatest inner conversations— that night was no different.

Read More at https://medium.com/@BW_Mckay/wherein-lies-the-difference-e01e5649e19b

"Lessons From Belize"

"Take this envelope and give it to a man named Gerson when you reach Belize City," Jose said with a smile. I took the ruffled envelope and placed it carefully in my book bag that I had securely placed on my back. "No Problem at all," I replied while he led us to a boat that would take us from San Pedro which is situated on the Belizean island of Ambergris Caye, back to the mainland to meet our tour guide. "You'll find Gerson holding a sign with your name on it," he said as his final departing words. We carefully boarded the ferry and waved good bye. The water that morning was a beautiful hue of turquoise blue. The rays of the sun made the water sparkle; It was a sight that words alone could not paint it’s essence. The boat picked up speed and we were finally out in the channel with the wind in our face and San Pedro to our backs. Eventually the little island faded in the distance. One hour and twenty minutes later, Belize City came into view.

"Watch your steps folks," the captain of the ship called out to everyone aboard when we docked. We disembarked from the ship at the Belize City in search of our tour Guide Gerson. At the port there are tons of people scurrying about in every direction. Just a quick glance around and you'd find vendors selling goods and merchandise while other people are carrying luggage trying to get their bearings. Up ahead was a street where many of the hired drivers awaited their patrons. In the distance as we fought through the crowd of people, I spotted the man with the sign. "How was the seas this morning?" he asked as I handed him the envelope. We shook hands and he led us to his van in a lot behind the port which appeared to be an earlier model Chrysler. I could see he used sealant to seal some of the holes in the frame while the side of the vehicle looked as if Randy Johnson, the legendary Baseball pitcher had throw a few fast balls into it. In other words it wasn't in the best condition but I could tell he took pride in it none the less.

I sat up front next to him while he focused on cooling the vehicle down as it had been sitting in the hot Belizean sun all morning while he awaited our arrival. Out of the corner of my eye I watched him carefully examine the contents of worn white envelope and to his delight it featured his pay and other items related to our tour. "Alright folks, Welcome to Belize City, our tour today will take us far west and it will approximately be a two-hour drive," he exclaimed with a large smile on his face.  "Sounds good to me," I laughed. We were headed to the ruins of Xunantunich the ancient Mayan city. As we left the city Gerson spoke with passion about his country. He shared facts and other fascinating information while en-route. I soaked up his words and I have to admit I learned quite a bit from him. That morning, I expected to learn about Mayan culture and other things but what he taught me in his sincerity was much more than a history lesson.

"You see that over there guys?" he said as pointed with a grin. "The mountains?" I asked while I swiveled my head from side to side to see what he was pointing at. "That Village up ahead, is where I live." His village was a small piece of land with a few small homes on it with one dirt road that provided access to the main road which was two lane road we traveled. He explained that was where he had been living most of his life. Being a tour guide was his way of supporting his family— the family he adored with all of his heart. He shared plans of building his first home himself with his own hands. I could see the wide eyed look on his face. I smiled while he spoke because I could genuinely feel his happiness. He went on and shared more details about his family. His younger brother was the first to go to the University as he called it and he talked about how proud he was of him especially because of how they grew up. His parents could not read or write at all and spent their entire lives picking fruit for a living. Gerson believed in the value of putting your heart and soul into whatever you do. His goal was to become to best tour guide in all of Belize and maybe even start his own tour business. I believe he'll do just that.

At the end of the day when we stepped back onto the boat to head back to San Pedro after all the fun we had, Gerson’s enthusiasm for life rubbed off on me in a profound way. He was a man who had never been outside of Belize yet he did not give any excuses for why he couldn't do something big in life even though he felt opportunities were limited. He took advantage of what was before him. We all can take something from Gerson's mindset. As I reflect on my time in Belize, I learned a few things that have much more meaning to me. I learned in many cases less can be more. I learned also to never take our opportunities for granted. Family and togetherness is worth more than anything you could ever buy. Do the best you can with what you have and never forsake life’s simplicity, there’s peace that comes from understanding that.