A New Season

Brownish-orange leaves tumbled across my feet, as a calming breeze blew through. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky, and the colorful trees along my route added to the allure of the season. I stopped along the path to savor the moment. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling one with the earth. I focused on the rusting sound the branches made, as they swayed slowly. A soft faint scent of spiced lattes and holiday treats seemed to travel in the fall air. The earth was changing seasons in the most beautiful way.

Fall is undoubtedly my favorite time of the year, but this year is obviously uncharacteristically different. I continued my trot home before the sun disappeared behind the horizon. Breaking away from the noise of the election, a constant reminder of Covid and the seemingly endless cycle of negative news was paramount. But if I’m honest, Thanksgiving is not the same this year. There’s so much pain and division in the world. It just doesn’t sit right with my soul.

How have you been coping during this Holiday season? This year I’ve had to scale it back in order to consider the safety of the ones that I love. Although we’d loved to see everyone, we thought it’d be best to stay home. If you’re feeling the sting of the season, I understand deeply. With shorter days and colder temps, now more than ever, we long for human connection. We’re not designed to be an island which adds to the discomfort this season has brought many people. Hang in there if you had to scale it back or spend this holiday season alone. I know it’s a difficult adjustment. There’s nothing that can quite replace the sound of a house that’s full of laughter, the smell of food cooked with love, and togetherness.

Be kind to yourself during this season. For the sake of our mental health, we have to find ways to be present. Here are a few ways to make the best of the times.

1. Video calls: Perhaps you may not physically be able to see the ones you love, but you can video chat. I know it’s not the same but it’s a way to bridge the gap.

2. Drop off meals: You’ve got family and friends who love your mac and cheese? Consider delivering a plate. Dropping off a plate is a great way to remain socially distanced while still being able to able to see the people you care about. Who doesn’t love a good plate cooked with love?

3. Binge-watch movies: Is there a series you love? It’ll be a great time to snuggle up and catch up on your favorite series. There’s so much to watch these days. Have you seen Jingle Jangle? I personally recommend it.

4. Dive into a new book: Reading calms the soul. I love getting lost in a good book. Maybe it’ll be a great time to read my new novel, There’s Somethin’ About Love. I know, I know. I’m biased.

5. Nature walks: I’m an outdoor guy. I sincerely love being out in nature. The weather has been pretty mild on the east coast, at least. Even if you’re standing outside for a few minutes, get a big nice whiff of that fall air. It does wonders.

We’ll get through this season together. It’s not easy, but we’ll get through it. Be encouraged and be safe. Happy Thanksgiving.

In The Belly Of The Beast

I stared at my own words unable to focus. For the second night this week, I haven’t quite been able to get much done. Between moving and editing my latest novel, I’ve been tired. I glanced at the clock and shook my head, slightly frustrated with myself. I picked up my phone and opened the Twitter app. Not long into my procrastination trip, I stumbled across tweets between two strangers. The internet can be a slippery slope. I found myself engrossed in a brutal Twitter battle between two people who insisted their particular views were right and everything else was wrong. A seeminly simple exchange of thoughts evolved into name calling and threats. Others chimed in and it became an unnecessary massacre. What were they fighting about you ask? Left vs right, crazy political talk? A triggered response to Black Lives Matters? Who knows really, it was probably a mixture of all of the above.

Twitter, Facebook and other social media platforms have connected us all in ways I could have never imagined. Social media has created a space for us to share our thoughts, ideas and small pieces of ourselves with the world. With this sharing comes new friendships and even business partnerships. It really can be an incredible asset in our lives. But there is also a troubling side of the coin that deserves some attention. Some people and entities have used these platforms to spread misinformation and hatred. They sow discord with hardly any consequences and it’s getting worse by the day. Sadly, this is only the tip of the iceberg.

Today, there appears to be a wide spread lack of intellectual refinement, empathy and compassion for others. Since the untimely death of George Floyd, Ahmuad Arbery and Breonna Taylor, I’ve personally had to sidestep incoherent racist messages and vicious attacks from people who have taken to social media to express their displeasure with our cause. Many warriors of social justice have used social media to continue to bring awareness to the many gross injustices we as Black people have faced and continue to face. Most often we’re met with anger and rage from those who do not understand, nor care to understand our struggle.

Where do we draw the line? Should be silent out of fear and avoid making people uncomfortable? Never that. When I log into social media I know I’m stepping into the belly of the beast. I’m acutely aware I may be attacked for my beliefs. I expect people to say something irresponsible and utterly racist. While social media at large stretches beyond the bounds of America, my focus is on what I see here. America today is like a poorly maintained vehicle puttering down the highway at dangerous speeds with brakes that haven’t been serviced in years. It’s bad. What you see on social media is a microcosm, it reflects the country’s pulse. Maybe like me, you’re wondering how do you navigate a society that runs from the truth and perpetually invests in it’s own undoing. From viral “Karen” videos to internet bandits to shameless politicians, it feels like we’re stuck in a never ending circus wheel.

How do we protect our peace in the age of shock value, tone deafness and blatant hatred on social media? Here’s what I believe we can do to stay sane.

1. Sometimes You’ve Just Got to Log Off: There are times I advocate logging off completely and allowing yourself the space to recharge. If you feel bombarded by negative images and it begins to affect your mood, turn it off for your own sake. Be kind to yourself.

2. Avoid Battles Nobody Wins: Social media is notorious for useless battles. Have you ever went toe to toe with a complete stranger? We’ve all been there, but it’s really pointless. Some battles are worth fighting, but I can assure you that an internet one isn’t one of them. I know it can be tempting to educate someone who clearly doesn’t get it, but it’s often an exercise in futility. If you must, speak your mind and move on. Very rarely has anyone ever changed their views due to an internet argument.

3. Avoid Serial Pot Stirrers: Seriously avoid people who say perpetually say ridiculous things. People like Terry Crews and Donald Trump just want to get a rise out of you. Engaging people like them will only upset you more. Some people have nothing better to do than to be nuisance. It’s best to ignore them.

4. The Block Button Is Your Friend: More recently I’ve been using this feature quite a bit and I’m not sorry for it. I block people who disrupt my peace of mind. I choose to use my social media accounts as a conduit of love and positivity. If I feel like someone is bothersome or problematic, I block them. You have to do what you have to do what you have to do to protect your peace of mind.

I hope you found these words helpful today. Next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed on social media, remember you have the power in your hands. It’s a big world out there with all kinds of people who have their own ideas of what the world should be like. Truth be told, ignorance isn’t going anywhere. It’s here to stay unfortunately. We just have to find ways to navigate around the toxicity that exists.

Justice for Breonna Taylor.

While We Wait: Battling Mental Exhaustion

I’m sitting in my home office looking out of the window as I write this. The sky’s virgin blue hue, along with the unobstructed sunshine has me feeling better today. I’ve always considered myself to be someone not easily overcome by emotion, but I’ve got to admit, the quarantine has got me in my feelings. I don’t know if it’s the forced isolation or the constant reminder of chaos that has created this uneasiness. I often wonder how this situation will end and if I think about too deeply, my head begins to hurt. I don’t know what to make of any of this, really. This experience has certainly been a challenging one for all of us.

I’ve filled my days with lots of movement to keep me feeling alive. My wife and I now enjoy breakfast, lunch and dinner together on a daily basis, which was something we weren’t really able to do often. My little sister came over to stay with us during this time so we can ride it out as a family. I’ve gone outside and jogged. Sometimes up to three times a day on several occasions. I’ve read books. I even picked up the dusty PlayStation 4 controller just for kicks. I’ve written too, of course. But what do you do after you’ve watched all of the Netflix programs, surfed the internet all day and read just about everything you can get your hands on? You begin to realize just how much COVID-19 has changed our lives.

At first I shied away from following the news posts religiously, but later found myself refreshing the page every few minutes, days later. I’m not much of a television guy, but I’ve got to admit, I did watch Tiger King, the Netflix docuseries that has caused quite a stir recently. If you haven’t seen that, you’ve got to see it. It’s crazy, I’ll just say that. With the Governor’s recent Stay-at-home order, we’ll all have to find creative ways to keep ourselves sane while we wait. I know people feel like their going insane being at home all day. That’s just our reality at this point in time.

Despite what we face today in our present time, I think finding healthy ways to cope with the emotional and mental affects of this situation is paramount. I’ve gotten myself in a little grove and I’d like to share what I’ve done so far to keep my self at bay. While I’m not successful at this everyday, I hope this helps you immensely.

1. Morning Quiet time: In the morning I purpose in my heart to spend some time alone with my thoughts. Often, that includes jotting down notes, prayer and also working on my next book, There’s Somethin’ about Love. Sitting alone in silence can be therapeutic and it helps me get my day started with minimal distractions such as phones and email. I often reflect on the prior day which helps me plot my path forward in regards to what I need to accomplish for the day. It’s a great way to level set with yourself.

2. Healthy Eating: Almonds and Spinach is normally my go to, but I’m not going to lie, I had lemon pepper wings and pizza the other day. Being home more often easily leads to snacking and over indulging from time to time. Let’s be real, eating right is tough. In fact, if I may, I’d like to forget my whole birthday dinner while we’re on the topic of food. Eating bad every now and then isn’t a crime but we have to be more conscious now that many of us are home through out the day. It’s getting real!

3. Get Moving: Walking for at least thirty minutes is good for the soul.I actually enjoy doing that more than jogging some days. It feels good just hitting the pavement and smelling the fresh air. It does wonders .

4. Check on loved ones: It’s easy to get caught with what’s happening in our lives. Sometimes we can lose sight of the people we care about who may also going through things. We all need each other. I try to reach out to my folks by sending messages and picking up the phone. Calling someone just to see how they’re doing can make a person’s day. You may be the voice they needed to hear to bring some comfort to their lives. Letting people know you’ve thought about them will do their heart some good.

5. Count thy Blessings: We’re all incredibly blessed, although sometimes it may not feel that way. But if you took a few minutes to really think about where you’ve been and what you’ve overcome, you can’t help but to be grateful. Each day I like to think of a couple of things I’m thankful for. It keeps me humble and grounded. Also by counting our blessings we’re able to pin point ways of being a blessing to others.

6. Expanding the Mind: We’re never too old to learn something new. I love to spend time reading and watching informative programs. There’s nothing like broaden my horizons. I’ve learned so many new things over the past few weeks.

7. Perfecting Gifts: Each of us were born with a set of unique abilities that we can use to make the world around us a better place. We should all use this time to move our lives forward, and that means something different for each of us. Dig deep within and think of what you do naturally. Your natural abilities can be gifts to others. You’d be surprised how you can touch the lives of others with things you already love to do.

8. Dream Big: There are times I reserve to just think of all the things I want in life. I dream of all the people I want to impact and how I want to change the lives of those around me. It helps me get clear about my desires and also what steps to take to make these dreams a reality. Have you been giving your dreams attention? Maybe there was a business you always wanted to start. Or you’ve had an idea you wanted to test out for quite some time. I encourage you to write it down and start planning. The time is now.

9. Hobbies: It’s a great time to pick up old hobbies that you might have been too busy for in the past. I know people who love to knit and now have time to pick it up again. Hobbies help to keep our mind off of what’s going on in the world. That small space in time where we can think of something else, is so helpful.

10. Smile: Everything’s going to get better. A warm smile can bring comfort to others who may feel anxiety about what’s happening. Our family needs our positive energy.

These are just some of the ways I’ve been coping. Feel free to share your methods. We can certainly learn from each other. Many blessings to you and yours. If you’ve been out of work or have lost a loved one during this time, my heart goes out to you. We will get through this time together. I’m sure of it.

At all Costs.

The aroma of fresh pastries and brewed holiday flavored latte’s, filled the air about us. In the midst of a chorus of chatter in the small coffee shop, we took our seats at a small table near the back to escape the black Friday rush. I knew from the look on her face we were’t going to be eating a thing. "I think I’m going crazy. I can’t keep doing this to myself," my friend Michelle groaned with frustration as she looked up from her laptop. "Don't say things like that," I said with a gentle reassuring smile. With her face rested in her hands, I could see her internal turmoil as if she wore neon sign above her head that screamed discontentment. She continued, "No, really, I can't do this anymore. It’s taking too much out of me. This job is literally making me sick." Thinking of what to say to bring her comfort, I eventually asked, "If working that job makes you feel so miserable then why continue to do it?" Michelle paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer my question initially, she eventually replied with a small stutter, "I...I..don't know." .

Michelle illustrates a fascinating dilemma that many of us face on a daily basis. How many times have we settled for things that continually rob us of our peace of mind and happiness with the hope that things would someday change? For many, however, that someday never arrives. The idea of spending an entire lifetime indulging ourselves in a perpetual cycle of unfulfillment, stress and unhappiness is a mindset we can’t simply afford to subscribe to. While it’s true we may have to endure moments of temporary discomfort, but I challenge the notion that we should settle for it being a normal way of living. Why continue working job you hate? Why deal with people who fail to see your value? If this is how you’ve been living recently, please understand, you deserve better— much better in fact. Our society normalizes stress, dread and despondency to a vilifying degree. You don't have to venture very far to find someone who's burnt out, frustrated and running on fumes. If their peace of mind were represented as a tank of fuel, they'd be running on empty. With one incredible life to live, we each owe it to ourselves to live this life to the fullest, fully enjoying the joy that is meant for us. In other words, we must each become practitioners of our own wellness if we are to open ourselves to receive the beautiful gift of peace of mind.

Peace arrives when you decide to live on your own terms. It blossoms when you put yourself first for a change. It thrives when you walk away from toxic relationships you've been reluctantly holding onto. It embraces you when you finally face your fears. It shouts from the rooftops when you learn to accept yourself. It does a joyful two step in your heart when you choose to believe you’re worth it. We’ve all seen what happens when negativity festers in the human heart. It manifests itself as poor health, frustration and prolonged unhappiness.

You are so powerful. Seriously. I'm willing to bet you’re one the most incredible forces on the face of this planet. Knowing who you are is one of the foundational aspects of keeping peace within you. When you decide you've had enough peace-less days there's something deep within that churns with incredible power causing you act with intention. You’ll begin to find yourself setting boundaries with others, searching for opportunities that ignite your passion and distancing yourself from things that invade your life with negative energy. Choose to live each and every moment savoring your peace of mind as if it were a plate of the ripest fruit around. Peace comes from within and It’s something worth cultivating, watering and guarding at all costs.

"Just Around The Corner"

“Are you sure you know where you’re going?” I asked as my sister made a series of unfamiliar turns. We were headed to a park I could have sworn I knew how to get to. The route she took didn’t seem or feel quite right to me but as a passenger I attempted to stay in my lane. Sensing my anxiousness she smiled and assured me we’d be there in no time. A few minutes went by and we were still in a strange part of town. I then urged her to turn around. “We can’t possibly be headed in the right direction. I’ve been to this park before and it ain’t near here.” I advised with frustration. My sister didn’t say a word. She offered only a confident smile as if she knew something I didn’t know. Low and behold right around the corner the park came into view. She just shook her head and I stared ahead in disbelief. There are many times in our lives where we’ll feel like turning around, changing directions or worse giving up completely. This seems to happen right after we’ve come so far but frustration sets in and begins clouds our vision. Many have thrown it all way when they were just around the corner from the manifestation of their dreams and desires. 

 "But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward." Dr. Martin Luther king Jr. inspired us all when he uttered those words many years ago. His words of wisdom still ring true today. Giving up just cannot be an option. There may be times perhaps when we will have to re-calibrate, adjust or make changes but giving entirely can never be apart of the plan. To live how others can't will require us to do what other won't. The world around you is full of people who have given up on themselves and they'll encourage you to do the same. You must not fall into the trap. The life you've always wanted to live will require you press through the difficult and uncertain times. The days of starting things and never finishing must become a thing of the past if you plan to make it to the promised land of dream fulfillment. Imagine how you'll feel when you see your goals, ideas and aspirations come to pass. Just think about it for a moment. Close your eyes and visualize what it will feel like to have finally done it. It feels good doesn't it? 

You have to believe in yourself. You have to trust the process within your life. You won't always know exactly what to do or how to do it but that is never an excuse to stop trying to figure out the way. Everyday must be dedicated to learning and growing. I like many of you, is still charting my own course. Everyday I make a little progress here and a little progress there. Small steps each day lead to dream fulfillment. Rarely do monumental things happen overnight. Keep your eyes looking forward and believe with everything within you. There will be a day when everything you ever wanted will be right before you. Until then, you're just around the corner. 

Perseverance: An open letter of hope.

There is a mountain that stands before each and every one of us. This mountain I speak of is figurative in nature, but represents everything that attempts to block our path to becoming all that we wish to become. The towering giant of opposition stands tall seemingly laughing at our squeamish attempts to scale it's treacherous walls. It could be fear, doubt or a situation that takes so much of your energy away that it feels impossible to make any progress. It could be a mistake from that past that you still may be paying for. It could be the lack of resources you need to make things happen. Maybe you fell on your face after trying for the 100th time to go for your dreams and now you feel like giving up. No matter what this mountain is to you, the fact still remains that it wishes to reroute your deepest desires, ultimately sending it to an abyss of deferred hope and the land of deceased dreams.  

In order to get anything worth having in life you must persevere. Success in any area of life will require tenacity and steadfastness. To scale the mountain in your pathway you must learn to weather the storm, navigate perfidious terrain and scale the wall of fear as if your life depended on it. Life is unpredictible at times and there are seasons when it feels like nothing will seem to be going right. You may question whether continuing is even worth it anymore. I’m encouraging you to push through. Those who find the courage to keep going when things get tough are the ones make things happen. Every morning we are faced a decision. Are we going to quit when the going get's tough or are we going to fight with everything within us to achieve all that which he hope to achieve. You can have any and everything you want in this life. It's just going to require something of you. If you get knocked down, get yourself up and go at it again. That's the staple of perseverance. 

Keep your eyes fervently on your goals and your dreams. Let that become the fuel that propels you. The only thing that can truly stop you, is you. Every mountain can be scaled and conquered. The good Lord reminds us that we are all more than conquerors. That applies to every single one of us regardless of what we have done or failed at in the past. Mount Everest at one time was viewed as the mountain that was deemed impossible to climb. It claimed the lives of many who dared to face it but something incredible happened on Friday, May 29th 1953. Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay reached the summit. What appeared to be impossible by many was made possible. It doesn't matter where you've been in life or what others have said about you. The only thing that matters is what you believe. You've got to know you can make things happen even in the odds don’t appear to be stacked in your favor. The mountain that lies in front of you doesn't stand a chance. Your best and most incredible life is on the other side of the towering giant. Today is the day you move foward in courage. It just takes one foot after the other. Persevere friends. Keep going. You're almost there.

-B.W. Mckay