Vampires
Everyone in the room was vibing to the soulful sounds of Jill Scott one Friday evening. Naila had planned her after Thanksgiving get together several months in advance and was glad everyone was enjoying themselves. The year had been a somewhat stressful one, but she’d come out on top. She cracked smile at the thought of all that she was able to accomplish. She continued to sip her fruity drink as the small group of friends talked and laughed amongst each other. As one of the best attorneys in her Washington, D.C. law firm, Naila was glad to finally get some much needed time away from the constant hustle and bustle of the Courtroom. With several key wins under her belt that year, she certainly had a lot to be thankful for.
“Girl thanks for having us over, we’re enjoying ourselves,” her friend Jasmine said, with the rest of ladies in agreement.
“I’m just glad to be surrounded by so much love, ya’ll just don’t understand,” Naila replied.
They all continued talking late into the evening with no signs of letting up. Many of her girlfriends planned to spend the night since they were going shopping the following morning. Naila eased herself away from the group and went upstairs to wrap her hair for the night when her phone rang.
”Naila…”
”Yes Mom, is everything alright?” Naila answered.
She set the phone down on the sink and prepared to listen to what her mother had to say as she continued fixing her hair in the mirror.
”I just don’t know what to do. I’m in all kinds of trouble and come to think of it, I haven’t been feeling good either. Life is just so hard, I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such poor treatment from everyone. I haven’t heard from Marcus in weeks, he didn’t even have the nerve to call his mother on Thanksgiving,” Naila’s mother complained. “Why do people treat me so bad, I’ve been so good to all of ya’ll.”
”Ma, I’m not Marcus’ keeper. You’re going to have to call him and ask. You know he’s been busy with his company; I’m sure he called you. And if you’re feeling so bad, why don’t you go to the doctors.”
“The doctors? I’m feeling better now, anyway. I don’t know what to do about all this trouble though,” she moaned almost to the point of tears.
”Ma listen, I’d love to hear more but right now isn’t a good time. I’ve got my girls over and their waiting for me downstairs.”
”Oh I see, I guess your friends are more important than your mother who clearly is having a rough time. Why didn’t I get an invite? I get it, don’t worry about it.”
The call ended with her mother upset as usual. Naila took a deep breath and went back downstairs to rejoin her friends. She was visibly frustrated and drained.
***
I think I’d be speaking for most of us when I say, we’ve all got someone like Naila’s mother in our lives. These kind of people come in all flavors. It could be a coworker, a friend or even a close family member. Most people who behave like this are probably unaware of how their constant complaining and emotionally draining behavior is affecting others. Emotional vampires seem to get a rise out of sympathy and overstating unfortunate situations. I would even go as far as saying, they often create many of the circumstances they find unfavorable. After speaking to these kind of folks, we’re often left mentally exhausted and in search of energy.
Our mental health is important, which is why we have to be selective with whom we speak to the most. Granted, we all have our days where things feel trying and difficult, however it’s the people who perpetually bring drama and confusion to our lives that are most dangerous to our well being. Think of how you feel after talking to someone who continuously gets themselves into trouble or constantly laments to you about their problems. Or worse, they complain and never seem interested in trying to fix their situation.
Today, I ask you to consider setting healthy boundaries by holding the people in your life accountable for their behavior. Find the strength to speak up. Let them know you can’t talk at the moment, or better yet, you’re not in a position to allow them to vent. Find a way to remove yourself temporarily to regroup, if you’re in a situation where you have to deal with someone like this often. Don’t feel bad for not answering their calls as much either. You’re not a bad person because you’ve chosen not to deal with an emotional vampire for your own well being. You’ve got to protect your peace of mind— In fact it’s imperative that you do. You’re worth that much.
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