Moving Forward

Life can feel like a bad comedy sketch at times. It’s funny how often we try to plan our lives, but as you know, things rarely go as planned. In the midst of challenging times, it’s difficult to find the silver lining. Societal standards get in the way and often cloud our view. We feel distraught and disappointed when we see others accomplishing the things we thought we’d accomplish by now. It hurts when we look at our own life, and see that the wheels have barely moved in the right direction. It seems like we’ve hardly scratched the surface of our potential. Flirting with failure and hopelessness doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means you’re human. Every day is a battle within.

It’s in this season we find ourselves questioning if our dreams and aspirations are still worth it. That annoying negative voice in our head that says, “You’re too old, why don’t you just give up!” is hard to ignore. I know the feeling. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect, when perfection doesn’t exist.

Today I write this piece, hoping to help you see that you’re at the right place at the right time. The next chapter of your life is full of extraordinary promise, despite how difficult life has been in the past.

I encourage you today to keep your eyes forward. The past is the past, but today is a new day. Your dreams and aspirations aren’t dead. You’ve just got to decide that you‘re going to keep pushing for what you want out of life no matter how difficult it gets. Maybe you’ve stumbled a few times. Maybe you’ve battled with a lack of support. No matter what has happened, you are on the path of greatness.

Dust yourself off and refuse to give in. You are powerful. Always remember comparing yourself to others leads to discouragement. We each are on our own unique journey. Everything happens at it’s appointed time. Always believe in greater days. May these words uplift your spirit as you continue to move forward in your life. You got this.

"The Hidden Scars of Inadequacy"

I'm going to take you way back - circa 1997 to be exact. I was ten years old then. No bills, no responsibilities, just homework and sports. Those were the days when kids stayed outside until the street lights came on. After school me and my buddies rushed home to fake our homework so we could go outside. Sports was all I ever thought about then. Posters of Troy Aikman and Ken Griffey Jr lined the walls of my room, which fueled my belief that I too could one day be like them. Thinking back to the formative years of my youth, I realized this was when I first came face to face with the complicated feelings of inadequacy. 

 "I'm last again?" I thought while I watched everyone else get picked ahead of me for the third time that week. Getting left out or picked last became the story of my young life. To be fair, many of the guys I played with were my friends and that’s what hurt the most. It affected my self esteem even though I tried so hard to pretend I was unbothered. It didn’t help that my childhood best friend Jr. happened to be the best at everything he did. The guy practically turned a ball into pure gold. He could put the ball in the hoop with the best of them. Not only could he hoop but he could run fast and catch a football like Jerry Rice. We were an odd pair of buddies but none the less I thanked God for him because he made sure not to leave me out of things when he had the chance to pick.  

I wasn't very fast and with two left feet how could I have been? I had the chubby body of a used tire, or so I thought. My inability to perform well stemmed from my fear of not measuring up to the other guys. That led to me being over cautious and fearful. It was a tough concept to learn as a kid. The older guys we often played against didn't go light on me either. "Who wants to guard B?" "He ain't going to catch nothing anyway!" they’d all laugh and jeer. "Whatever," I'd mumble in an attempt to make it seem like I wasn't bothered by it. The truth was, I was bothered. Sadly, I began to accept the names and unfortunately I allowed those names to become apart of my identity. I carried that into other areas of my life too. 

The feelings and thoughts I had about myself as a result of those events didn't go away even as I grew stronger, faster and much more capable. Inadequacy is one of those things that many people tuck it away - they bury it. As the years continued to go by I noticed moments where I'd catch myself retreating into that young man who'd been left on the sidelines. In order to grow, I had to deal with how I felt. Many still carry invisible scars from stabbing words and experiences that have cut deep and it's effects linger. Can you relate? Have you ever stopped yourself from speaking up? Have you ever felt easily forgotten? Do you still harbor pain from being laughed at or disregarded? Are you hard on yourself? Do you feel like you aren't worthy or deserving of good things in your life? Feelings of Inadequacy seem to nudge at us at times when we need our self confidence the most.

It's absolutely profound how things that have occurred long ago could still have the ability to affect the way we view ourselves. I found peace when I confronted my feelings head on. I found strength in learning to embrace my imperfections. Perfection, quite frankly is an illusion and it doesn't exist. It took a conscious effort on my part to examine my life in away that would cause me to think differently. If you are feeling the sting that comes from feeling like you aren’t good enough, I want you know I understand. As you've seen above, I've been there before many times through out my life. The feeling can drive you to question if you matter at all. You matter and you are enough. I encourage you to embrace who you are. Try not compare yourself to others as we all have our strengths and weaknesses. There's freedom in accepting yourself just as you are as you strive to become the best version of yourself.  

"The Subtle Art of Letting Go"

"What a waste of my got damn time!" I shouted, nearly at the top of my lungs as I threw my phone onto the bed in anger. The conversation I just had with my then girlfriend led to what I'll call a defining moment in my adolescence, wasn't pretty at all. Still occupying a room in my mother's home, I shut the door to get some privacy. We ended a relationship that lasted an eternity to me but in reality was just one short year of ups and downs. I paced around my room trying to allow the anger to subside. What went wrong? I'm tired of this crap. I mumbled to myself in a haughty attempt to make sense of things. Relationships can certainly bring out the best in us and in this case, also evoke serious emotional pain. I felt angry, frustrated and a barrage of other feelings. That day reminded me of why letting go is quite difficult to do but absolutely necessary if we plan to move forward in life in a healthy way. Holding on to past circumstances and experiences not only will keep you stuck but it'll also keep you from experiencing a life of freedom and liberty.

"Let it Burn"

More than just a great song by R&B legend Usher, letting it burn in my opinion is an integral part of letting go. In an attempt to avoid pain many of us cling tighter to dead end situations and circumstances. Apart of the healing process in life is allowing yourself to feel the sting of the closing a chapter in life to give way to a new beginnings. In other words to be able to experience growth we must not be afraid to walk the path of healing which in many cases contains uncomfortable feelings. Running from it only prolongs the process and further keeps us bound to that which we must release.

"Accepting what is"

Learning to see things for what they are authentically and experiencing life as it is, is my understanding of acceptance. The more we push for what we wish would have been the case only prevents us from moving forward. There are things we simply cannot change no matter how badly we wish things we different. Each one of us faces moments each day where we are presented with an opportunity to practice acceptance. These moments don't always have to be big gut wrenching situations. For example the other day I had my mind set on some left over chicken wings from The Outback. My mouth watered as I reached for the refrigerator handle. My anticipation slowly turned to sheer horror when I could not find the black to go container I left on the second ledge. I shuffled items around frantically as my blood pressure boiled slightly. In the corner of my eye I could see something sticking out of the trash can on the other side of the kitchen. It was the container I was looking for and when I examined it closely I discovered only remnants of the chicken remained. My first inclination was to look for someone to blame. I stood there with my face scrounged up, armed with a slew of complaints. I stopped in my tracks and questioned if I really needed to harp on this. I laughed to myself and accepted they were gone. Talk about a lesson in acceptance. faced with two options, I could have pouted or I could accept it and get something else to eat. I chose the latter. I got over it and moved on. It happens, It's apart of this life that we are all blessed to live.

"The Take Away"

Think of how you could be holding yourself back today. Is there a situation you've been mulling over in your mind and debating whether you should walk away? Is there an unhealthy friendship, love relationship or situation standing in the way of your happiness? The longer we hold on, the more pain we cause ourselves in the long run. It is my hope that you'd be encouraged today as each of us finds the courage and strength to live our best lives. Everyone of us are faced with choices each day. These choices directly play in role in happiness and stability. Choose you today. Choose happiness and dare to see life change right before your eyes. Let it go. You know what it is. Take a deep breathe and feel the weight of the world lifting off of your shoulders. I'll leave you with a quote today. "Holding on is believing that there is past; letting go is knowing that there is a future."—Daphne Rose Kingma 

"Just Around The Corner"

“Are you sure you know where you’re going?” I asked as my sister made a series of unfamiliar turns. We were headed to a park I could have sworn I knew how to get to. The route she took didn’t seem or feel quite right to me but as a passenger I attempted to stay in my lane. Sensing my anxiousness she smiled and assured me we’d be there in no time. A few minutes went by and we were still in a strange part of town. I then urged her to turn around. “We can’t possibly be headed in the right direction. I’ve been to this park before and it ain’t near here.” I advised with frustration. My sister didn’t say a word. She offered only a confident smile as if she knew something I didn’t know. Low and behold right around the corner the park came into view. She just shook her head and I stared ahead in disbelief. There are many times in our lives where we’ll feel like turning around, changing directions or worse giving up completely. This seems to happen right after we’ve come so far but frustration sets in and begins clouds our vision. Many have thrown it all way when they were just around the corner from the manifestation of their dreams and desires. 

 "But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward." Dr. Martin Luther king Jr. inspired us all when he uttered those words many years ago. His words of wisdom still ring true today. Giving up just cannot be an option. There may be times perhaps when we will have to re-calibrate, adjust or make changes but giving entirely can never be apart of the plan. To live how others can't will require us to do what other won't. The world around you is full of people who have given up on themselves and they'll encourage you to do the same. You must not fall into the trap. The life you've always wanted to live will require you press through the difficult and uncertain times. The days of starting things and never finishing must become a thing of the past if you plan to make it to the promised land of dream fulfillment. Imagine how you'll feel when you see your goals, ideas and aspirations come to pass. Just think about it for a moment. Close your eyes and visualize what it will feel like to have finally done it. It feels good doesn't it? 

You have to believe in yourself. You have to trust the process within your life. You won't always know exactly what to do or how to do it but that is never an excuse to stop trying to figure out the way. Everyday must be dedicated to learning and growing. I like many of you, is still charting my own course. Everyday I make a little progress here and a little progress there. Small steps each day lead to dream fulfillment. Rarely do monumental things happen overnight. Keep your eyes looking forward and believe with everything within you. There will be a day when everything you ever wanted will be right before you. Until then, you're just around the corner. 

“Stumbling Through The Dark”

 "Ouch", I said as I hobbled further into the darkness. I stubbed my foot yet again while looking for something I misplaced. As the pain subsided I laughed at myself for the obvious realization that I was not blessed with night vision no matter how I seemed to carelessly believe otherwise. Besides, it probably would have made better sense to just turn the hallway light on so I could actually see what I was doing. Silly me. No, foolish me rather. How should I have been able to see if I could not adequately see what I was doing?  It's a lesson that many of us have painfully learned at some point or another. Life in a lot of ways mirrors this illustration. Walking through life without a clear sense of direction can leave you feeling lost, vulnerable and most of all, unfulfilled.

Each day reintroduces new uncharted territory as we attempt to make sense of our time here on earth. Why am I here? What am I good at? How will my life affect the next man or woman for the greater good? These are all questions that man has tried to answer for centuries. The great quest for meaning and purpose, I like to call it. A life void of meaning is like walking aimlessly through the dark feeling around in search of something to hold on too. Discovering what makes you tick and how you want to impact world is truly what creates a life of meaning. A life of purpose is quite frankly a life well lived.

I stumbled through the dark for many years. It's an unavoidable part of the process, unless you were born knowing exactly what you were supposed to do in life. Every month I had a new idea and new dream that ultimately fell flat. I found myself standing yet again on the outside of my dreams looking in. It was hard. Trying to find your purpose can feel like searching for a dime in a sea of nickels. Every single one of us has a gift that is meant to help others but the challenge is finding what it is and how to use it. 

We were sent to this planet with a host of special traits, talents and opportunities to make the world a better place. I'll be honest, it isn't always easy because of everything that is required of us on a daily basis. We have jobs, friends and family obligations. Someone of us pack our lives to the point where things are busting at the seams. Finding time to eat becomes a quest in and of it self. Slow down and take a step back. Take time to clear your mind. That’s when the magic happens.

Our purpose could be standing right in front of us and we wouldn't even know. That's why slowing down is such an integral part of the journey.  For me, writing was that thing that hovered in front me for many years. It was always something I loved to do but it never occurred to me that it would be something that would give my life meaning. Once I grabbed hold of that, my life hasn’t been the same since. Living your truth and operating in your purpose changes the way you view the world.

The discovery process can seem like an endless cycle especially with all the distractions floating around. Everyday the news is filled with so many scandals, tragedies, corruption and other distracting events. We owe it to ourselves to live as courageously and as fulfilled as we possibly can. Embrace the journey. Take some time out today to take an inventory of how you have been spending your time recently. Think of what gets you excited. Think of what makes you feel like you’re at your best. That should give you an idea of where to begin your search. Many people say life is short but I dare to believe the good Lord gives us just the right amount of days to impact the world in an epic way. I encourage you today to live audaciously, love others and find that thing that fills you to the core. Living your best life requires that. If you do that, you'll change your world and the world around you forever.

“Leaving Self-Doubt Where it Belongs”

Growing up I was an avid ball player. I pretty much ate, slept and breathed basketball. Every day there was a basketball in my hand. Up and down the street I went, bouncing that ball around working on different aspects of my game. I spent countless hours perfecting my craft. I pretty much slept with a basketball in my hands. I had dreams of becoming a hoop sensation. Some of my friends would laugh at that sentiment and I wouldn't blame them. When I dribbled the ball alone at home, I felt like an unstoppable force but when it was time to compete I often disappeared. Whether it was a pickup game at the park or high school tryouts, physically I was present but my effort was somewhere hiding in the bleachers. Ultimately I was stuck in my head worrying about how well I would do while being consumed with the possibility making of mistakes and looking uncool. I was quite frankly, a mess.

“The Folly of Self-Doubt”

Self-doubt reared its ugly head so many times in my life. I allowed it to derail so many of my early opportunities in life. It is no secret self-doubt has killed so many dreams and has prematurely squandered chances at truly getting what many want. I allowed my fear of what others thought of me to keep me out of my zone. Truly Immobilized by the pressure I put on myself, coupled with the feeling of not quite being good enough was enough to paralyze me. Not only did it stop me in sports, but it wreaked havoc in other areas of my life too. Things didn't change for me until I developed the courage to face my own limiting beliefs about myself head on. Maybe you can relate. Has self-doubt caused you not to speak up in a moment when you really had something to say? Or maybe you chose not to pursue a dream because you didn't think you were ready or good enough. Whatever the case may be, I encourage you today to leave self-doubt in the past right where it belongs.

"Your Own Worst Enemy"

Most of my life I thought the biggest threats and crimes were things that were outside of myself. Not once did I ever consider one of the biggest enemies in my life was actually myself. My failure to believe in myself was holding me back. Self-doubt holds many people hostage. The second-guessing of one's abilities leaves so many people standing on the outside looking in on their dreams. I believe there are people who could have impacted the World in a powerful way but didn’t because they allowed the voice in the back of their mind to convince them to stay on the sidelines. You are good enough. You are strong enough. You have what it takes to accomplish everything you desire in your life. Working through self-doubt isn’t easy at all but it's worth putting in the effort to overcome. 

“The Take Away”

The road to dream fulfillment requires courage. There is a big amount of courage already on inside of you right now at this very moment that is waiting to be unleashed. Being able to move forward in spite of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty is what separates those who stand on the outside looking in and those who get what they want. Every single one of us will have moments where we will feel like we aren’t good enough at some point or another but it’s all about facing these feelings head-on. Don’t allow past failures and the fear of making mistakes stop you. Let go of the need to be perfect. You are perfectly imperfect. You are capable of learning, growing and becoming all that is necessary to achieve your deepest dreams. Look toward the future with great optimism.  Next time you have something to say, say it. Even if your voice trembles with anxiety and fear, say what you must. Let your voice be heard. When the moment comes to seize an opportunity, seize it. Live your truth. Growth comes from facing our fears and living our truth. This is your moment, your time. May we all strive to leave self-doubt in the past, where it belongs. 

"An Awakening"

One of the most widely accepted and unfortunate tragedies of today, is the belief that you cannot walk away from jobs, relationships and situations that no longer serve you well. Living in a place of unhappiness is often widely accepted as being just the way it is. A life that was once meant to be enjoyed has now been seemingly downgraded to something that is merely endured. This has become the theme for many among us. It's a comfortable existence for some, sadly enough. Waking up every day to suffer through a job you hate, that pays you far less than you desire is exhausting. Dealing with friends, lovers, and family members who perpetually disrespect you, can no longer be tolerated as the norm. You didn’t come here to be shackled to situations that suck the joy, passion, and life out of you. You deserve far better. 

"The Miracle of life"

Just the sheer fact you are here right now is a miracle in and of itself. Every single one of us is a walking miracle. It's a beautiful fact of life, that often get's overshadowed by the day to day barrage of negative information. Each and every day we scurry through our day to day lives attempting take care of our responsibilities. In the midst of our daily routines, we sometimes forget to stop and live in the moment. When was the last time you took a big deep breath? Let's take a deep breath together right now. It felt good, didn't it? What you felt was the gift of life flowing through you. Every day we must be mindful of this gift. There are diamonds within the deep imperfect soil of our lives. Hidden treasures exist within us that are waiting to be discovered. When you understand this wonderful fact, you will begin to see things differently. That my friend is when the awakening begins.  

"Re-claim Your Value"

We live in a noisy world. It's a place full of opinions and thing's vying for your attention. There are many voices out there via social media, television and the internet that are attempting to define your value. Only you can truly define your value. Don't let anyone or anything make you feel like you don't deserve a chance to have the best this life has to offer. Dig deep within and find the confidence to stand before the world unafraid to be unapologetically you. Go for what you want, become who desire to be and live as if you owe this world no explanation. This is your time. This is your moment. It's time to start living the life you know you've always wanted to live. Right here, right now. If that means, waving some friends goodbye, then so be it. If that means fine tuning and learning new skills so you can kiss that unfulfilling job goodbye, well then that is what must be done.

"The Take Away"

As this new year begins to take shape, find the courage to live your truth. In the past, you may have allowed other people and situations to define your worth. Today is the day that ends. There's an awakening taking place in you. An Awakening of consciousness that won't accept comfortably living in unhappiness. You're a walking miracle with a life that can absolutely become what you desire it to become. Find the joy in living once again. Rid yourself of anything that doesn't represent where you are headed. Some people may not like that and that's ok. This is your life. and your time. Anything that disrupts your peace and causes you to second guess your value, it's got to go. This is your moment of strength. It's your transformation. Here now today is when you decided you are no longer going accept things just being the way they are. You are going to thrive by any means necessary. It's time to start living again. Be encouraged.    

"Believe"

Somewhere between the wide-eyed curiosity of childhood and high school graduation, we were somehow led astray. Ask any child what they want to be when they grow up, and you will be taught what dreaming big is all about. They'll share dreams of zapping aliens, flying airplanes and even becoming the president of the United States of America. There was a time in life when nothing seemed impossible. For many people that time was between 15 to 50 years ago. Where did our dreams go? Why did we lose our ability imagine a life that was beyond merely surviving? I just want to live a safe life, pay bills and die full of regret, said no one. We were once told we could be anything we wanted to be. Later we were asked to be realistic. We were advised to trade our passions in for a predictable existence. Ultimately we were convinced that dreaming big was for other people, the lucky ones. This ultimately lead many to stop believing.   

Rows and rows of cubicles nationwide are filled with deferred dreams and aspirations. The comfort of someday has grounded some of the most innovative ideas. I am encouraging you today to believe that a fulfilling life is for you. You too can live the life you dreamed of as a child. You must rid yourself of the limiting beliefs that were passed down by folks who quit on themselves. Many of our parents and other well-meaning people did us a disservice by asking us to be realistic after a certain age. Where has being realistic gotten most people? Being realistic has people bound to jobs, careers, and situations that are unfulfilling. I dare you to re-ignite your passion. Maybe you’ve always wants to do something huge but later convinced yourself that you couldn't do it. You have to reprogram your mind into believing that all things are possible again. There has never been a better time than now. 

There’s power in belief. Just listen to the success stories of some of the greatest people of our time and you will notice a common thread. They believed. Many believed even when others tried to convince them to give up. You've got to believe even if others don't. Don't allow others to put their limiting beliefs on you. Dig deep and rediscover the childlike faith you once had. You have the power to change the landscape of the world forever. There may be an idea or dream in you that can change the lives of others for forever. 

Your belief is your one-way ticket to the life you've always dreamed of. Revisit some of the things you've always wanted to do but shelved due to fear, bad advice or self-doubt. Trust the process. Each day, do one thing that places you one step closer to fulfillment. Fulfillment comes from living your truth. It's a result of following the unquenchable passion for something greater. Being realistic leads to regret. You are never too old to chase your dream. As long as you have air flows through your lungs you can do that which you were born to do. Find the inner child within you and make a choice to never defer your dreams again. It is my hope that today becomes the day you believe again.