The white Lie

The battle between good and evil is a story as old as time. This epic battle has captivated many of us since we were children. Stories filled with dark demons and the redeeming power of the “light” were commonplace. I’d never once pondered there could be a deeper meaning— a meaning that happens to be far more sinister than many can fathom.

The egregious illusion of white purity continues to be perpetuated by ghastly images of a blonde hair blue-eyed deeply European portrayal of Christ. Controversially speaking, white Jesus has been been the poster child of white supremacy for as long as I have been aware of my place in the world. Unapologetic Blackness is the ultimate antithesis and it shows. The deliberate attack on Blackness can be seen throughout history. It’s easy to spot the brazen attempts, but most Anti-Black assaults are subtle in nature. Disney movies, cartoons, and marketing ads all feature outdated juxtapositions.

Christianity has been the vehicle of choice used to further the white superiority complex and has aided the ever-growing racial divide. White-washed faux historical recounting has comfortably remained the backbone of America and many other parts of the world where colonization thrived. We must challenge damaging worldviews no matter how commonplace they appear.

When will Black stop being synonymous with all things evil? The light and dark juxtaposition where white is pure and black is filthy needs to be abolished today. It’s a poor attempt at covertly furthering the notion that white is the standard of all things good and holy.

I believe by continuing to challenge white supremacy, we can slowly disrupt and destroy the ideas and attitudes that were created to diminish our place in this country and the world alike.

Shameless

I sat my phone down at the corner of my desk. My fingers dribbled along the edge as I processed what had just occurred. My ears burned from the lamentations. To put it as frankly as I can, some people don’t understand how absurd they appear. Being a chronic victim is not a badge of honor. People who pretend to care to mask their wants are disingenuous. When did blaming others for the bed they’ve made make them noble? I’ve always prided myself on being able to avoid or limit contact with people like this, but there are times they slip through the cracks. Just because we love someone doesn’t mean we have to deal with their unsavory behavior.

Answering the phone blindly while deeply entrenched in my writing wasn’t something I should’ve done. I should’ve ended the call as quickly as it began. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. How do we deal with the people in our lives who never have anything good to say? How do we manage our relationships with people who treat others poorly by consistently taking more than they give, using others with reckless abandon, all while claiming to be the perpetual victim? They’re shameless.

I used to answer the phone when I should’ve blocked them. I’d let people talk when I should’ve interrupted them and ended the interaction. I don’t have time for drama and foolishness in my life. This was an important lesson that I had to learn. Now more than ever it’s important to enforce boundaries. Protecting our minds is of the utmost importance, which means we must be selective with the energy we allow into our lives. You can’t be concerned with how they’ll take it, especially if you’ve already shared how you’ve felt. Shameless folks don’t appear to have social awareness. I’m all for giving people a chance, but there comes a time when you’ve said everything that can be said. Accountability doesn’t always feel good. Making excuses for friends and family who continue to violate your boundaries has to come to an end.

Today, I ask you to consider your feelings. Are there people you’ve been continually extending grace to with no change in behavior? How you feel matters. It’s time to make your well-being a priority and it starts with defining your personal boundaries. Once they’re defined they will govern how you interact with the people in your life and will also help you determine what you will and will not accept from others. The truth is not easy to share, but it must be spoken. It’s okay to be selective in regards to the people you choose to have around you. This chapter of your life is about peace; it’s okay to make it about you for once.

Soliloquy of Peace

I’ve learned to prioritize peace in my life. For my own sake, I had to. Sure there are things that happen in life that justify perpetual anger and bitterness, but that would only destroy us. For instance, there was the time my mother’s house was ransacked shortly after she died. To this day I can remember my sister’s frantic call with vivid clarity. I rushed over to the house unsure of what I’d walk into. The adrenaline navigated me through the thick D.C. traffic with precision despite being unnerved. When I arrived the police were already on the scene. The officer looked around for a few minutes, took some notes, and left without a single ounce of compassion. That was it. I was stunned, angry, and confused.

How could this happen? She lived in that house for years. The neighbors were friendly on the surface, considerate, and often checked on her as she battled terminal cancer. People couldn’t possibly be that evil, could they? It was violating to see her belongings scattered amongst the scuffed wood floors and dirt. The big-screen TV she saved for years to be able to purchase was gone. Her medical papers lay amongst a heap of trash and debris. Humanity can be ugly. People can be vile. How can we keep our peace when there are so many things that seek to destroy it?

A few weeks ago I went to a family event and there was a family member there who tested positive for covid and knowingly spread it. This individual traveled hundreds of miles exhibiting symptoms and still decided to come without any regard for anyone else. People whom I dearly loved were infected and the person didn’t apologize or even acknowledge what had occurred. I was angry, to say the least. Even when pressed they casually blamed others and didn’t take any responsibility. This is what we have to work with sometimes. There’s often no restitution. These anti-peace bandits often appear to disappear behind the horizon unscathed. Cynical? Maybe. In spite of this, we have to press forward and protect our well-being. We do this by limiting contact with problematic people, removing ourselves from unfavorable circumstances, believing in better days, and holding ourselves and the people we love accountable.

We all have our challenges. As much as we’d love to be able to control every aspect of our environment, we can’t. This truth doesn’t have to rob us of our contentment. We can choose how we’ll respond to the things that happen and ultimately decide how we’ll move forward. This is our gift. We have the blessing of being able to view the glass as half-full. May we smile in the face of difficult times, press forward through our darkest days, and choose to believe we deserve the best this life has to offer. At the end of the day, everything works out for our good.

The Black American Experience: Rising From the Ashes of Pain

Where do we go from here? I’m angry and exasperated, but I remain firm in my reproach today. How long must we pretend this county is a sovereign nation of safety, power, and sanctification? A nation built on morality, Godliness, compassion, and love would not continually find itself at this bloody crossroad. America’s grandiose belief that it sits at the proverbial right hand of Almighty God is utterly laughable as it is sad. A reality check has been long overdue for those who believe racism is dead. As a Black man, I’ve always been acutely aware of the world I live in, in fact, you must if you want to survive as a Black person.

My grandmother would often worry about me when I left the house as a young man. At the time I didn’t understand her fears. “I’m just going to play basketball up at the school,” I’d say to reassure her. I could see the discomfort in her eyes as she struggled to let me grow up. My words hardly reassured her. She lived in a world void of social media. Her stories of pain, tragedy, and grief were passed down from one generation to another. She lived through her own trials and tribulations as a result of her Black skin. If she were alive today, she’d have much to say. Today, I understand her concerns as I watch the world around me reveal itself to be more barbaric by the day. Mass shootings should not be a normal part of American culture.

I’m tired of Black people being slaughtered like animals. The mass shooting that took place at Tops Friendly Market in Buffalo this weekend shouldn’t have happened, but it did. My heart goes out to all of the families that have lost loved ones. When I sat down to write this morning, my spirit was disturbed. I thought about Mother Emmanuel in Charleston, South Carolina. To this day I still have difficulty grasping how someone could walk into a church, killing 9 people, and be peacefully apprehended. The anger that filled my soul that day returned as I read articles that detailed the events from Buffalo. Is this what America continues to allow itself to become? Hateful ideas are incubated and supported by those in leadership. The media plays on fear and gives platforms to folks who divide and spread false narratives. The echo chamber couldn’t be more clear.

Do not be mistaken, Black people will not become footstools. We will protect our homes and our families. We will love ourselves and each other. We will not turn the other cheek and cower before those who wish to destroy our way of life. We will continue to fight for equality and justice. Black people across this nation are strong, beautiful, and overcomers. We are here today as a result of the strength that has been passed down from our ancestors who endured the treacherous journey across the Atlantic and suffered through over 400 years of slavery. America has no choice but to accept that we’re here to stay. We will continue to rise above the ashes. Our fallen brothers and sisters did not die in vain. We are Black and we are proud. We will continue to move forward whether they like it or not.

Blackness: A Beautiful Testimony

My mother’s southern drawl was always a sweet touch. I used to say things to rile her up so I could hear it come alive. “Boy, if you don’t stop playin’ with me,” she’d say with a laugh. Those were the days; I’ll always cherish them. My mother was a healthcare worker who worked long hours: sometimes as long as 13. When I’d come home from school I always phoned her, and often the voice at the other end of the line was unrecognizable at first listen. At the time I didn’t understand why she suppressed her natural tone. I used to think it was funny, but today I don’t find it amusing.

After having spent several long years in corporate America myself, I understand the struggle. The unspoken pressure to tame our natural tone, word choice, and inflection became increasingly unbearable as I continued to climb the proverbial career ladder. The work voice, as I call it, is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how many adjustments we’re expected to make to move forward within non-Black spaces. It’s rarely comfortable, and to be quite honest, is something we shouldn’t have to do.

There’s nothing wrong with being ourselves. I understand the need for professional decorum, but should we as a people continue to allow ourselves to be held to a Eurocentric standard? They’re telling us being Black by default is unsavory and needs to be tweaked. Our name, hair, voices, and demeanor are constantly critiqued, amongst other things that do not define us. Thriving in this world is a delicate tight rope walk between being ourselves and what others believe we should be. We must take the power back by continuing to create our own spaces and lanes so we may authentically be ourselves with no pressure to conform to standards we never agreed to.

Despite all of the progress we’ve made as a people, the anti-Black agenda is still strong in this nation. We understand this deeply as we experience the day-to-day challenges of living in a world that relishes the fruits of our struggle, but does not value our humanity.

I write this piece as a reminder of our great existence. Being Black is an honor although our journey through this earthly plane is filled with obstacles, valleys, and hills to climb. In the midst of it all, we’ve found a way to rise like a phoenix. We must always own our Blackness. There’s grace in our struggle. May we find rest in our strength. After everything we’ve been through, we’re still here growing stronger each day. Our existence is a beautiful testimony.

But, I Don’t See Color…

As a Black person living in a country that’s hyper-obsessed with political correctness and faux wokeness, you’re bound to confront problematic ideas sooner or later. We seemingly stand in the crosshairs of tone-deafness daily. Everyone has an opinion these days. Race, being one of the more polarizing topics, is a surefire way to ruffle feathers. I intend to do so today. Let it be known, I don’t write these words out of spite, but out of a pure desire to express authentic thought.

I’d like to make myself clear from the onset by stating I do not believe all white people are intentionally racist, I do believe, however, many are ignorant to the real trials and tribulations we face on a daily basis. Even those who call themselves allies, don’t fully grasp the scope of the modern-day Black experience.

White supremacy is an exhausting topic, yet I find myself knee-deep in it quite often. Living in the desert has been an incredible experience, but it doesn’t come without its fair share of uncomfortable moments. More often than not, I’m the only Black man at neighborhood events and gatherings with neighbors. Sadly, awkward conversations are the norm. For example, someone thought it was appropriate to tell me how wonderful Martin Luther King was and how they don’t see color while we were eating. This happened unprovoked.

I take pause when I think of people who find this behavior acceptable. It’s intellectually dishonest at best. I’m sure that lady believed what she said, but in reality, we all see color; I know I do. Here’s the deal: It’s okay to enjoy our presence without inelegantly waving your anti-racist banner. We have to normalize creating boundaries around “the talk.” You have a right to end interactions that do not feel natural. It’s not our job to teach anyone about the Black experience, nor should we have to accept these strange attempts to empathize with our struggle. It comes off as disingenuous and we see that. Our experiences should not be used as a platform for virtue signaling.

All shades of Blackness are equally and uniquely beautiful. Being different is something that should be celebrated and not seen as divisive. It’s okay to admit you see color; we didn’t believe you anyway. Authenticity these days is fleeting, I know. It’s a fact of life as the nation at large continues to believe racism is a thing of the past. You can be our friend, support the fight for equality, and still, embrace what makes us different.

Toxicity and The Church

“If you sow a seed of five hundred dollars, I’ll speak a word of peace into your life,” a pastor said, some fifteen years ago in front of a packed church in the heart of Washington, D.C. He paused to allow the church to take in his words as he flipped through the pages of his large brown leather-bound Bible. The organist played a few powerful chords on the old Hammond as the congregation eagerly waited for him to continue. “I don’t think you heard me,” he said as he dabbed his forehead with a black satin cloth. I watched his eyes carefully dissect the room as if he were a surgeon. “I’ve come with a word from Heaven this evening.”

I’ve always been leery of folks who speak on behalf of God. I learned to suppress my thoughts. That church wasn’t a place for opinions, after all, if you disagreed with the Pastor, you were disagreeing with God himself. You see that’s how manipulation works. These days God sure does do a lot of talking and what he’s saying is jarring at best. I meant that facetiously, of course. But this is a serious matter.

I watched with awe as folks reached into their pockets, desperate to fill the offering baskets with their hard-earned cash. Some, I’m sure, gave their last. It was clear those sitting amongst me were hurting, and looking for a miracle. This pastor presented hope in exchange for their money. “Your offering is an act of faith,” he preached as the offering baskets began to overflow as the ushers made their way around the sanctuary. As a church musician, I’d been to what felt like thousands of these kinds of services. For years I passively ignored the inner alarm that screamed things weren’t right. I looked the other way out of fear of rocking the boat: how dare I question the man of God.

His words echoed in my mind during the drive home that night. As someone who grew up in the church, I became acutely aware of the deeply manipulative tactics religious leaders used to grift, control, and dominate the minds of the people. I write this essay today hoping to do three things: express my disdain for these toxic practices, encourage people to think for themselves, and most importantly help someone who may be dealing with the effects of abusive, manipulative, and dangerous teaching.

Spiritual leaders have been the backbone of my community for hundreds of years. Our faith in God has brought us a mighty long way; make no mistake about it. We have to learn to see through the Jesus talk, as it is often used by religious pimps to get what they want from you, whether it be sex, money, or blind allegiance. This is a dangerous use of psychology. Trepidation and guilt are their weapons of choice, in addition to the cunning use of scriptures and other biblical text aimed at breaking down your logic. You’re most vulnerable when you’re not thinking for yourself.

A few weeks ago I stumbled across a video of Pastor Mike Todd using biblical text to justify egregious behavior. This inappropriate use of spirituality is running rampant as social media continues to elevate people like him. If you feel something is off when you visit a church or hear someone teaching, do not ignore that feeling. If you hear something preached that causes your inner alarm to blare, explore that feeling.

We must call out the toxicity we see in our churches. Spiritual leaders must be held accountable for their actions. We cannot afford to look the other way when there are whispers of abuse. We cannot blindly trust those who proclaim to come in the name of the Lord. It’s imperative that we open our minds and trust the God-given intuition that was bestowed upon us at birth. I write this today not to proclaim church is not needed, but to challenge you to think freely. Lastly, may we remain watchful, discerning, and above all, true to ourselves.

Finding the Will

The alarm blared as I lay quietly. I played possum, but I couldn’t fool myself; I was wide awake. The uneasiness I felt in the pit of my stomach had sadly become a common occurrence. Most days I’d force myself out of bed despite how bad I felt. That morning, however, I weighed a ton and could hardly muster the strength to put both feet on the floor. I contemplated taking a mental health day. Taking time off was the best I could do since I didn’t have the guts to walk away for good.

The fear of walking out of the proverbial door and never looking back terrified me. For almost thirty minutes I processed my thoughts as fragments of sunlight began to peek through the blinds leading me to curse the day before it began. For almost ten years I held myself hostage to a job and an IT career I had no passion for. To be truthful, I was on autopilot: I was completely doing myself a disservice. This came at a time where I was struggling to find my way as a writer and business owner. After a series of mistakes and false starts, I began to lose my edge and my patience.

There was a tug-o-war between my deepest desires and a career that only paid the bills. I couldn’t face the fact that deep down inside, I knew I was cheating myself. How do you find the courage to act in the face of fear? How do you follow your dreams when they feel impossible? I was stuck and I knew it. Perhaps you can relate?

Many of us find ourselves at this crossroad at some point in our lives. Since we’ve got only one life, we owe it to ourselves to ignite our passions. We owe it ourselves to dream as if there was no tomorrow. How long must we suffer? I got used to being unhappy with my circumstances. Each day I put myself last and it was destroying me. I had to make a change and fast.

Today, I encourage you to do some soul searching. How do you feel about your position in life? Do you want to change careers? Have you been dreaming of devoting more time to building your business? Have you ever considered relocating to new state and starting over? Have you considered firing that toxic job, but haven’t quite found the strength to take the necessary action? What’s stopping you from making yourself happy?

The day I walked away from that terrible job was the day I realized the power was always within me. I just had to put myself first and act. That same power is within you. The fear of the unknown can be crippling, but on the other side of that fear was a peace like none other. Finding the will to move forward was a challenge, make no mistake about it, but it was worth it. I dare you to believe there’s a future that features you doing what you love and being great at it. Trust yourself and take the leap— it’s worth it.

Beautifully Imperfect

I took my seat amongst a horde of anxious travelers. The cramped Boeing jet was destined to become my office for the next few hours. Domestic first-class flights are often nothing special, but I was thankful for the upgrade. I could feel the tension in my back as I squirmed in my seat searching for the perfect position of comfort. With TSA, delays, and crowds behind me, I planned to get some writing done before boarding was complete, but with all of the commotion, it was difficult to channel my thoughts, let alone write. For some reason, I didn’t feel settled. My neural pathways were dominated by made-up to-do lists and a sea of unfinished tasks.

Distracted, my eyes were drawn to a brother who struggled through the aisle totally oblivious of the people he hit with his oversized duffel bag. Damn, people can be so careless, I thought to myself. A few rows behind me, I could hear a woman arguing with the flight attendant for being told to keep her mask above her nose. Across the aisle, there was a toddler screaming as his embarrassed parents attempted to soothe his nerves. The orchestra of chaos was oddly an accurate reflection of how turbulent life could become at a moments’ notice: there’s always something going on.

Life’s fragility is an ever-present source of anxiety; people do their best to keep it together. Cheap thrills mask how most of us feel. Authenticity, these days, feels fleeting. Today, just one poorly timed mistake can seemingly ruin it all. One bad decision has the potential to haunt us for the rest of our lives. It’s difficult to shake the constant stream of negativity. The virus rages on with no end in sight. The growing irritation and discomfort amongst society is an ever-present thorn. There’s a war between the vaccinated and the unvaccinated that’s heating up by the day. People are struggling and looking for answers. With conflict and tragedy bubbling on every corner, how do we cope? How do we thrive when the cards feel so stacked against us? Where’s the peace?

I closed my eyes and took a sip of water. My untamed thoughts fueled my growing unrest. The flight attendants began making their final pre-departure announcements as the last few passengers took their seats in the back. With the cabin door now closed, the aircraft was set to begin being slowly being pushed from the gate. Time moved in slow motion. After what felt like an eternity we were now soaring above the puffy cumulus clouds leaving the beautiful city of Washington, D.C. behind.

The vibrant evening sky resembled a Van Gogh painting. An assortment of pinkish-orange hues captured my eyes. The glow from my window caused me to squint as I savored the moment. Most people had already begun to settle in and the only sound that could be heard was the low-end rumble of the engines that powered us through the sky. Strangely, it was at this moment, it became abundantly clear to me that we must silence the noise in life if we’re to think and process our thoughts clearly. The stress and chaotic soundbites dissipated once I settled in. Taking a step back to regroup is paramount these days. It’s in these moments we find our stride. I laughed to myself for forgetting such a simple but impactful lesson. It’s hard to focus when the stress starts to get the best of me. Perhaps you can relate. I began to feel the sense of peace that was once missing.

When you feel yourself losing it in the moment, remember to silence the noise. That could mean taking a walk and getting yourself to an environment where you can think without distraction. It could mean going into an empty bathroom stall and standing there for a few minutes to catch your breath. Maybe silencing the noise for you is going for a drive with the radio off to process your feelings and thoughts.

Anxiety, the unwanted companion, finds strength during moments of instability and uncertainty. Please don’t for any moment feel bad for struggling with it. Our human experience is riddled with uncomfortable moments, trials, and circumstances that seek to throw us off balance. Take your time today. You’re worth the effort of finding a moment of zen. Even just for a moment, I believe silence helps us process what we’re facing. While we are imperfect beings feeling our way through life, I must say we’re beautiful. Despite our limitations, challenges, and circumstances, we are beautiful. You’re beautiful. May we continue to move forward through life with our heads held high.

Life and Times

Facing the truth can be daunting. Accepting things as they are can feel like death, and in some ways, it is. Wishing things were different only prolongs the pain. We clinch, desperately holding on to what we thought would never change. You sense a difference, although they pretend things are the same. You see it in their eyes; you can feel the emptiness of their hollow words. “I’ve been busy,” they say, but you believe they’re making time for what matters most in their lives.

Relationships shouldn’t be disposable, but to ignore reality, is to invite pain and suffering. Perhaps you’re going through a period of transition where you’ve noticed some of your most meaningful relationships have fizzled out. The very people you used to kick it with, are nowhere to be found. The communication tapered off and you’re left wondering what happened.

I want you to take a step back for a moment and think of the people who are present in your life today. There are times we overlook the very people that have chosen to be connected because we’re focused on the people who’ve walked away. I’ve been there before; we all have.

Our lives are busier than ever: People get married, move away, and develop new interests. It happens. The love isn’t always lost; the relationship could’ve just evolved. We have to learn to be happy for people, even if we no longer have access to them. The reality is, nobody owes us anything, not even their time. People have the right to choose who they want in their lives and how they spend their time. We must honor this. It’s a tough lesson, but nonetheless valuable.

Relationships aren’t always easy, but they’re worth it. Communicate how you’re feeling. People don’t always realize they’ve been disconnected. We have to be willing to ask the tough questions, and also give space when needed. Have we been understanding or smothering? Have we ourselves been distant? Have we been extending grace? We have to be open and honest with ourselves; we have to be willing to listen. Relationships are like plants, they must be watered if they are to grow and flourish.

Perpetually one-sided relationships aren’t good for the soul. If you’ve done all you can to address where the relationship is, and there hasn’t been any progress, then you have to be willing to let go for your own sake. You can’t force people to be in your life. There are lots of wonderful people out there that will love and value your presence.

The good Lord will always bring the right people across our path. We must purpose to be present. Relationships of all kinds take work and intentionality. While we cannot control others, we can choose to honor the people in our lives. Remember to communicate, extend grace and be open. May we all nurture our meaningful relationships, they certainly do make life special.